one christmas night, sunghoon ✔

06:15

I melted.

That's actually what it felt like; melting. There was no other way to describe this feeling of his lips working on mine, arm wrapped tightly around my waist. I didn't even know when my fingers had reached up to entangle in his hair, pulling him even closer to me as our mouths moved together. It wasn't a soft kiss. It was like we were pouring years of bottled up feelings and confusing emotions into this, and it couldn't have felt more right.

Even though I knew that if there'd been any hope of becoming friends again after today, it was practically gone now.

My breath failed me as we finally pulled away. There was nothing in my brain. I couldn't remember where we were or what day it was or what I needed to do; it seemed like everything had ben put on hold.

Because I'd been kissed before, but never like that.

The aftermath was always awkward. We just stood there, unwilling to look each other in the eye after what we'd just done. My eyes found the building, the streets, the cars on the roads... anything to keep from thinking about the boy before me and how badly I wanted him to kiss me again.

The silence was getting painful at a point, so I broke it. "Hey, Sunghoon?"

He glanced up at me, and I could see the red reentering his cheeks and neck and ears. Our faces must've been matching shades of scarlet, I knew. "Yeah?"

"Do you remember when you asked me why I said yes to coming with you tonight?"

His brows furrowed. "Yes."

"And I said it was because I was bored and curious?" I summoned the courage to look him straight in the eye. "I lied. It was because, even though I didn't want to admit it, I missed you too."

He didn't say anything, which only skyrocketed my anxiety.

"I've loved you for a long time," I admitted. "The only thing is, I often got confused about in what way it was that I loved you."

"And are you still confused?" he asked, softly, almost like he was afraid to hear the answer.

I shook my head. "No. I've decided that I'm kind of in love with you."

The expression that flitted across his face made my knees weak, and I let him gently tug me closer once more by the sleeve of my coat. "Kind of?" he repeated, laughter in his voice. "You didn't hit me."

"Huh?"

"I said if you hated what I was about to do, you should hit me. But you didn't."

"Obviously," I scoffed. "I just told you I love you; what part of that do you not understand?"

"I don't know, I'm still a bit unclear." Now he was just teasing me. "In what way do you love me? Platonically, or like that? Because I'm not too sure-"

In response I took the lapels of his jacket, dragged him down to me, and pressed my lips to his.

"Are you still confused?" I asked, after I'd let go.

"No." He looked dazed. "No, I am not."

"Let's go to the toy store." I took his hand and led him out of the alcove, back into the bright light of the morning. "You said you wanted to pick up extra little gifts for the kids, right?"

Sunghoon just nodded, apparently still in shock. I couldn't blame him. I still couldn't believe what we'd just done; the trajectory of our relationship had changed forever. I wasn't necessarily regretful about it, but I still couldn't help feeling a sense of loss. How would we bounce back from this? Would we ever be able to? Would we even need to?