one christmas night, sunghoon ✔

05:34

It was purely muscle memory.

When was the last time we'd performed together like this? I honestly couldn't think back far enough. But the moment the blades of my skates kissed the ice, it all came rushing back. And I managed to keep myself upright as Sunghoon's fingers grazed my waist, leading me into the beginning position.

The song had already begun, so we simply picked up from where we could. It was as if the both of us had just been waiting for this moment; there was no uncertainty, no stumbling, we just flowed. Of course, some parts of the routine required that I be as close to him as humanly possible, but I didn't let it throw me off. Suddenly, I remembered a time when I, too, had loved to skate. This feeling of freeness, of being untethered, it was addictive.

But I think the real reason I stayed with skating for as long as I did was because of Sunghoon. He loved it, so by extension, I did too. And it may have been many years since then, but our chemistry on the ice remained unmatched. But even back then, I couldn't help wondering what our chemistry was like off of it. And then I'd get angry at myself for thinking about chemistry that definitely had nothing to do with the subject at school.

And so it was here, as he guided me into a risky twist lift, that I finally decided it was time to own up to myself. I had feelings for this boy. Not so friendly ones. And I'd been nursing these feelings for years.

How pathetic was that?

I was so incredibly out of it that I didn't realize when we'd reached the most dangerous move in the routine: the death spiral. Aptly named, it was a spinning move where the standing skater would lower his partner to the ice as she arched backwards to glide on one foot. The reason it was so precarious was because my head came so close to the ground that I had a very good chance of giving myself a concussion. In times past, before we'd segue into this move, Sunghoon would always check first to see if I was ready.

He did so now. "We can skip this one, if you're not comfortable doing it," he whispered, hot breath by my ear. I shivered. "I know it's been a while."

"I'd still like to try," I told him, hoping that I wasn't just sensing myself to an early death.

"Okay. If you're sure."

"I am."

"Then, on three... two... one." He lowered me, and I immediately arched my body accordingly as I spun around dizzyingly.

I could hear applause.

It was only then I realized the reason the rink was suddenly so empty was because everybody had shifted over to the sides to give us space. We had spectators. And I was glad I only saw them now, when the song was almost finished, because I had a penchant for screwing up especially when people were watching.

The routine ended not long after that, to more applause.

"Maybe I was wrong," he breathed as we unlaced our skates. "Maybe I still am in love with skating. Because after that... that was... wow."

"How did you manage to get even better?" I looked at him. "I can swear that you have."

Sunghoon shrugged modestly. "I was always better whenever we skated together. We always made magic. So really, maybe it's not skating I'm in love with. Maybe I'm just in love with you."

My brain went blank.

"Wha..." My mouth seemed incapable of forming words. "Stop saying things like that."

Sunghoon cocked his head to the side. "Things like what?"

"Like just now. It's confusing. And misleading." Irritated, I hooked the laces of the rented skates around my fingers and turned to return them. Why was I even angry at him? It wasn't his fault that I was so affected by everything he said. "Meet me outside when you're done." And I hurried out of there before he could see the expression on my face.