Breaking down the barricades (Mature)

Part 8 - Morning

She woke up to feeling his knee thrown over her thigh. Stevie opened one of her eyes to see the dominated male laying next to her; his whiskered chin, dark short curls, strong shoulders that Stevie now remembered touching so gently last night --everything seemed to rewind and play over, thinking about the very moment they became one with each other. It was a night that she would surely never forget.

He could feel her eyes on him, Lindsey didn't really get that much sleep; most of the night he was thinking through what he had just done. He'd just broken down the barricades of a dramatic and passionate relationship, Lindsey knew that it was only a matter of time before they would be back together again; again as more than just friends.

"What are you thinking?" Lindsey asked in a hoarse voice, as he opened his eyes to stare at her tousled hair.

"Mmm...What do you mean?" she propped one elbow up on her pillow, holding the covers over her breasts with her other hand.

"You're in that mode; I know when you're thinking; what happened?"

"Nothing happened, Lindsey," she chuckled, "I was just...admiring you, yeah that's it," she smiled.

"I wish you'd smile more often."

"Hitting on me this early in the morning, huh?" she winked.

"No," he chuckled, "I'm just telling you the truth, I wish you would."

"Smiling causes wrinkles."

"And frowning works the muscles of your face more than when you smile."

"Damn, you got me," she laughed.

Lindsey moved a bit closer to her, she had on no makeup what so ever; it had been years since he was able to see her fresh face without cover up and powder.  Her eyes lit up her whole face, "So?"

""So?""

"What did you think?" he wrapped an arm around her middle.

"Think of what?"

"Don't play dumb," he laughed, "You know what I mean, was it...good?"

"What a famous question..."

"Seriously," he chuckled, "I want to know."

Stevie reached up to move her hands across his face as he laid himself on top of her, "It...was...precious."

"God," he snorted with a laugh, "I want to know, you know; if I...still have it."

"What do you think I meant by precious?"

"I don't know, you seem to use that word a lot."

"Is that a put down?"

"No," he laughed again.

"Well I may use the word a lot but this time I truly meant it. I don't even think I've ever felt that way before."

"How did you feel?" he moved up her body more, looking down in to her eyes.

Stevie sighed and closed her eyes, "You really want to know?"

"Yes."

"I felt alive, loved, emotional, beautiful, and ...womanly."

Lindsey nodded as he blew a few strands of hair off her forehead, "So did I, but not womanly."

She laughed, "I sure as hell hope not...What does it mean?" Stevie ran a hand through his hair.

"What does what mean?"

"These feelings...my feelings, your feelings...What do they mean?"

"I think we very well know what they mean," he traced her bottom lip.

"It's very strong," she reached up to trace his lip, "I feel different with you."

"Different?"

"If I say this, you can't get angry, okay?"

"Okay."

"When we were young, I'm not sure if I was ...really in to the...sex for the love, I think I wanted it more as pleasure; I can't be sure but that didn't mean that I didn't love you then 'cause I did but now..." her eyes filmed over with tears, "I'm not young anymore and I'm not in this for pleasure...I'm in it for the love, to feel you loving me; not as just...a "good lay," but as a truly honest to God lover, someone to really share my future with."

"I never thought of you as just a "good lay", Stevie."

She sighed, "Lindsey..."

"Stevie I'm telling you the truth, I never thought of you as just a "good lay," I would never think that; you were my girlfriend -- I thought of you more than that if I was your soul mate, please don't think that about me," he took her face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that way, I guess it's just that I can't really remember what it was like to make love before now..."

"You can't remember us making love before?"

"I have some memories but ...God the drugs wrecked it all Lindsey, it took and dissolved EVERYTHING...This is why last night has been the first time I have EVER felt like a real woman, like my body was more than just a toy."

"Wow, I can't believe that you actually...You really can't remember us having sex?"

"Don't...Don't use that word," her eyes closed, "I love making love now, not sex, and it's not that I forgot about us making love, I just can't...can't really remember what it felt like; half the time I was probably high or stoned from something...it's hard to remember things when drugs were a big part of my life then."

"I know, I remember everything..."

"So that is why last night ...I think it was one of the best of my life..." tears slowly fell from her eyes, "I've been..." she had to swallow back her tears, "I've been used for sex, drugs, fame; I don't think a man has ever really loved me," she sobbed, "I don't think that there has been anyone there for me till now..."

"Any man? Stevie I was always there," Lindsey kissed the side of her mouth.

"No...Not like how I wanted you."

"I...I think I'm confused."

"I was the one who always wanted to be romantic. I don't remember you ever being romantic."

"I'm sorry, I was a jerk; I know that I always cared though so you can't say that there was never a man there."

"But after you Lindsey," Stevie thought about the babies she lost, "Don, Don Henley ---"

"Now he's an asshole --"

"Just wait...It was also my mistake to ever think that he would marry and take care of our baby together, but I was also stupid to think that just because he didn't want it -- that I didn't...'cause I wanted that baby...till this day I still think about that baby, all my babies..."

Lindsey didn't have a word to say, it was a moment on where the only person that had the stand was Stevie; he knew how those abortions had wrecked her life.

"But that's done, they're gone now," she wiped her eyes and smiled up at him, "I don't have Don and don't ever want Don again...I want you," Stevie ran her hands across his face.

He placed his hands over hers, "I want you, too."

"Like I told you last night, I'm never letting you go if we officially get back together; I'm not strong enough to handle another relationship falling apart...I need this, you."

"I need you too, need you more than you'll ever know," Lindsey nuzzled his face in her neck.

She placed her hands on the back of his head, "Never get away."