Breaking Fairy Tales !

Am I strong enough ?

I looked down to see the journal resting on my lap. I opened the last page and the familiar horrifying memories came back. I sighed and saw that every name had a cross next to it. The page had list of all the people who meant the world to me, and promised to never leave my side.

But slowly and gradually each and every name was striked out from the list, exactly like the way they had striked me out from their life.

Was I so bad that no one stayed with me?

Was I so pathetic that everyone left me alone?

Did I deserve to be lonely?

Didn't I deserve a fairy tale?

You are pathetic.

You are so ugly.

You bit*h, we no longer give a damn about you.

I don't give a damn to what comes out of your low IQ mouth.

You are a burden to this world.

You little boyfriend stealer.

Whore.

Slut.

I hate you.

We hate you.

You should die.

Die.

Die.

Die.

Die, die, die, die, die.

Die, die, die, die, die.

Die, die, die, die, die.

My heart started chanting the familiar mantra.

The voices of the people who once loved me and promised to never leave my side occupied my mind. I was truly lonely now.

When I look back I feel that I had a wonderful and perfect life.

What happened to that?

Oh yes! A cyclone hit me hard and I tripped and fell.

I was in the eye of the cyclone for a long while and didn't realise that it had tremendous power which could destroy me.

But now I was destroyed.

There was nothing left for me.

I slowly made my way towards the ledge of the terrace and sat on the wall. My feet dangled in the air and I felt a rush of excitement when the wind rushed over me. At least the nature hadn't given up on me.

I sighed and looked down from my terrace which was on 7th floor and I was sure that my pathetic life would end if I jump.

Slowly I stood up, gathering all the courage I had, and started walking step by step on the ledge. One little miss and I would trip. But for some strange reason, today I was balancing myself well and I continued to walk to and fro on the very small ledge of the terrace.

Finally I took a deep and long breath and stood still. I looked to my front, to see the sun which was slowly disappearing behind the tall apartment buildings. I looked down to see little people minding their own buisness. No one had a clue that a seventeen year old girl was convincing herself to end her deplorable life.

I made up my mind and decided that this was the last sunset I was going to witness. I made up my mind to dissolve all my sorrows. I had to do this. A lot of people would be happy to hear the news of my death. I smiled while thinking about it.

But was I brave enough?

Should I do this?

The questions rushed into my mind.

My mind re-winded and played all the happy memories, but then everything blurred out and the darkness and the painful voices took over me again . . .

I felt myself giving up as my torso started leaning forward . . .

A second more and I would escape the world of treachery and betrayal . . .

I looked down again and I instantly felt dizzy, my palms were replete with sweat and nothing felt right.

I decided to wait for some more time.
Was I scared ? Hell yes.

I opened my journal and smiled at the sight of my writing,
"Rhea's Journal"

I turned the page and came across a group picture. The picture was taken at the end of 10th grade. There were about 20 people in the picture and we were grinning at the camera like loony baboons. A small smile appeared on my chapped lips. Out of pure instincts, my fingers ran over the picture, trying to savour each and every bit of it.

I sighed sorrowfully and turned the page and stumbled upon my first diary entry.

12/06/2012
That was when it all started.
Three years ago...

I started reading it and was drawn back into the bitter sweet moments...

xxx

" Standing on the crossroad of life...

Reflecting back on the past...

Had a great experience!

Met some amazing people.

Explored the road less traveled.

Made mistakes.

Stumbled.

Hurt myself.

Fell down and then rose up again like a skyscraper.

Loved someone infinitely.

Went through slumps, ups and downs, mortification.

But you know what is the best thing that happened amidst everything?

I LEARNED!

Learned how to make mistakes.

Learned how to learn from them.

And then learned how not to repeat them again.

Learned to unlearn.

And now..

I am sufficed.

No regrets.

In the blush of today's dawn a new day awaits me.

New resolutions. New plans.

New friends.

New difficulties.

New roads.

Everything just so new! "

- Rhea's Journal