Our Home is Our Hearts

Chapter Five: The True Feeling of Pain

Emil hadn't been the most talkative lately, something just hadn't really felt right in his chest. It was a tight feeling, like he couldn't breathe sometimes, and he would lie in his bed staring at the ceiling in pain and confusion. He assumed it was because of Lukas. The longer time went along, the more sickly and pained his brother looked. It hadn't been very long since they even found out, and as Lukas explained to Emil one day, the process was different between humans and their people. "It's an advanced development, I think. I'm not too sure I remember. Things always go too fast with us, don't they?" Emil hadn't laughed at that joke, though later on he probably would thinking back to it.

And then there was the fact Emil hadn't heard from Leon in a couple of months now, which was a bit concerning. But, he was only here for a vacation, so there wasn't any guarantee Emil would see him again after this. Even despite that fact, he wished that he still had that friend in his life, because having someone he could really relate to? That felt really nice. And now it felt as though some sort of important resource was ripped away, causing Emil to shut down a bit, trying so hard to find that again. What was he thinking, he couldn't tell anymore, everything in his head was such a mess. He wasn't very sure how he was supposed to feel, which was why he was sitting at his desk with his pen, scratching down word after word to express how he was feeling.

When he was younger, once Emil remembered being pulled up onto Berwald's lap one day, and he was told a story, One about an unfair queen, and a prince who escaped her clutches, not realizing every time that this story was about the queen of the coven and Lukas until much later on in his life. But when he was young, Emil was all over such a tale. The prince, who was forced into an unfair task by the king, feared being exiled by the queen, and so ran away. Emil asked at the end of the story what happened to the prince in the story, and he always was told, "He lived an eternal life in a palace in the snow.". Emil at the time, wanted to be that man in the story, brave and courageous, not even realizing the story was about his own brother and not just a story. Though even now, Emil still wasn't too sure of what really happened between Lukas and the coven that brought him to fake death and build the manor. Emil's first thought was that Lukas had committed some heinous crime, but after studying his brother for long enough, he decided that wasn't possible.

Setting down his pen, Emil went over his notes once more. It was about vampires, of course, the first he had ever written since it was the first time he had ever needed to know these things. "Our organs are like clay," He wrote in one spot. "They can mold to anything we need them to be, when we need them that way." Emil scratched behind his ear, thinking that over, Lukas had said because he was around males, that's the reason for his bodily changes and how he had become pregnant. It made Emil question if he had the same ability being around only men for so long in his life. He had never felt any different at any point, other than being a bit more done with people than usual. But when wasn't he upset with someone, it was nothing new for him to be snappy. But Emil wanted things to be normal for him, just for a day maybe. "The process is advanced due to our bodies' quickness in generation, like when we lose a limb, it'll grow back, but it'll take some time. If you don't at first sew the arm back into place, it'll never mold back together, but if you leave the arm off, it'll just look like it's always been amputated, no scars. In the case of a vampire becoming impregnated, their body is quick to develop key parts of the fetus, and the time period to prepare for such a thing is shorter than that of a human." Emil jotted down a period mark at the end and frowned.

Music. Emil always felt better with music. Or at least, being the creator of it. He stood from his desk, walking slowly to the other side of the room and picking up his violin case. Years on end of practice, that made him good by low standards. In reality, he could play in a world class orchestra if he so chose to do that. But it wasn't like he ever could because of who he was. So Emil shut his eyes and set his case back down, his brows knit tightly as he sat on his bed, head buried in his hands. Why was he so upset? Was it because there was that chance his brother would die? Because he wasn't ready for this big of a change? There was so much that Emil was thinking, too much to even write down today. Emil looked out his window into the night sky, shaking his head. He should really be going to bed.. But he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep no matter what. Too much to think about to sleep.