Make It Right [JIKOOK]

Do you like Jimin-hyung?

Jungkook's POV

Park Jimin. Nothing terrified or excited me more than him. When I first met him, I felt immediately connected to him. Something about the way he moved and spoke and the way his eyes looked when he smiled drew me in right away. I don't know that I've ever been more shaken than the first time I felt his arm slide over my shoulders, pulling me into a surprisingly solid chest.

I wanted to be as cool and smart as Namjoon, or as handsome as Jin, or as calm and collected as Yoongi, but I wasn't. I was just a fifteen-year-old introverted kid trying to sink into himself to avoid being noticed. But he did notice me. He noticed me a lot...and loudly. In private, I felt comfortable hugging him, holding him, even telling him I loved him. I knew even then how badly I hurt him each time I teased him, or ranked him last in looks, or rejected his affections publicly. I knew his confusion over the discrepancies I showed on and off camera. I felt like a bully, and I hated myself for it. But I was scared. I was so very scared.

Korea isn't exactly gay friendly and...I was a kid...who was gay...in the bright lights of fame and stardom. Jimin was bold and confident in himself, but I couldn't make myself feel that way. I wanted to so badly and I admired him for being so open and honest. Each time he called me cute, said he wanted to take me on a date or spend alone time with me my heart swelled inside, but I just sighed and rolled my eyes on the outside.

Now here we are. Years later. Still friends, but I finally feel more confident expressing my feelings to him. Unfortunately, I might be too late. He ignores me now more than he ever did. Spends time with other members more. He shows them affection more, and even though I despise the black tar of envy that burns in my stomach each time he touches them, I still feel it.

I can't stop the cascade of these thoughts rolling through my mind as I once again stare at him, eyes unwavering from his beautiful face. I know that we're in the middle of a live and that I should be interacting and being more involved, but I can't. He holds me transfixed and I can only manage to mirror every laugh, every expression that he makes. I'm in big trouble and I don't even want to escape it.

Jimin's POV

I felt Jungkook's eyes on me, never leaving no matter what I did. As much as it made my heart flutter, it also hurt. Why was he staring? Why had he been acting so oddly lately? I didn't dare to let myself dream for even a second that he might be feeling something for me. I refused to let myself go down that path of thinking. Not when I'd been burned by him so many times before. Always so loving in private, but denying everything, even to the point of being hurtful in public. No, I couldn't let myself fall into that trap again.

Doing my best to ignore him, I laughed with the other members, making a point to intentionally gloss over Jungkook when my eyes scanned the room. When he chose his favorite artwork of BTS, I deliberately chose something else, even going so far as to tease him a little for his choices. He looked hurt, and even though I felt bad about hurting his feelings, I couldn't stop myself from doing it. Maybe I was a little petty and wanted to see him feel how I'd felt.

As we left, I found myself clinging tightly to Taehyung to avoid Jungkook's ever-present stare. I could practically feel his discomfort when I laced my fingers with Tae's. I didn't want to make him feel bad, but I also needed to find a way to not feel so strongly about him when he made it very clear so many times that he didn't really want me.

[What makes Jimin-hyung tired?

Knowing Jungkookie doesn't like me...

He's going to be tired for life then...]

I could never forget those words and how much I cried after that interview. How could he say something like that after waking up holding me and telling me he loves me? He always said he was sorry, but sometimes sorry wasn't enough. It didn't change the things he did, and I knew I needed to pull away from him, even if I desperately didn't want to.

Jungkook's POV

I wasn't sure how much longer I'd be able to hold back my tears. Jimin avoiding me and holding hands with Taehyung hurt so badly. Deep down I knew I deserved this after making him feel this exact same way. Somehow, I intended to make it up to him. I could make it right. I could make it better. I just didn't know how yet.

The opportunity presented itself unexpectedly when Jimin loudly agreed that he wanted to know the answer to a yes/no fan question in an interview a few days later.

"I like Jimin-hyung?" the MC posed.

Jimin pointed excitedly at the monitor. "Yes! I want to know the answer to that too! Jungkook? You like me, yes or no?"

I felt shocked and the emotion showed on my face as I stared at the boy I was secretly in love with and his pleading eyes. Never before had I even considered that the fans thought I felt that way, let alone that Jimin thought I didn't like him at all. How could he think that I didn't like him? I knew my teasing bothered him, but I didn't know he genuinely believed I didn't like him! My heart felt crushed inside my chest. "Of course I like him!"

Jimin's smile brightened as he pointed at me, asking me to repeat it again. "You like me? Yes? You like me?"

"Yes!" I declared hastily. "Yes! I like him!"

Jimin still looked wary but seemed to be blushing a little as his cheeks spread into a cautious smile. I became determined in that moment to show him as often as possible that, not only did I like him, I loved him!

When the MC introduced a game to us using post-it notes, I took every opportunity to compliment Jimin, much to his surprise. Every astonished smile he gave me was like a dagger to the heart.

"Oh, Jimin-hyung...Jimin-hyung, your eyes are so beautiful..." I would show him. I would make sure he never questioned it again.

How could he have thought I didn't like him?