ONESHOTS // MCYT / DSMP

Karma

Lyrics to Karma by AJR ↑

TW//CW - mention of intrusive thoughts, implied suicide

[November 23rd, 20221]
[Not edited since published]

[Tommy Angst]

This was absolute ass, take it. I might remake this later or some shit, but right now, I don't give enough fucks.

-

Ever since Mr. Phil adopted me, I've been trying to impress him and get validation and praise I never got from any other of the people who took care of me. I studied hard in school and got good grades, I rarely ask anything from them and try not to annoy them, I offer help for them as much as possible and am fairly polite, but I was always ignored. I taught myself to believe things just because I thought that's what they thought.

It hurts like hell and I don't understand, why do I even try anymore? Maybe if I force them to pay attention to me, then they will.

"I've been so good, I've been helpful and friendly. I've been so good, why am I feeling empty? I've been so good, but it's still getting harder. I've been so good, where the hell is the karma?"

"Are you sure you've been good enough? Why do you want the karma anyway? Life isn't fair and you should accept that," He says.

"Why are you asking me why? My days and nights are filled with disappointment," I admit.

"Are you alright? Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine, everything's fine," I'm not sure why I booked today's appointment.

I've been so good, I've been helpful and friendly. I've been so good, why am I feeling empty? I've been so good, but it's still getting harder. I've been so good, where the hell is the karma? I should stop trying, they obviously don't want me around.

I was talking to my therapist again, I still don't understand why this is happening.

"Am I normal or not? Am I crazier than other patients?" I ask.

"Of course you're normal, it's okay to not understand something."

"I'm pretty sure I've done everything right, so where's the karma?" I was getting impatient, when will things get better?

I've been so good, I've been working my ass off. I've been so good, still, I'm lonely and stressed out. I've been so good, but it's still getting harder. I've been so good, where the hell is the karma? I've been so good, I've been so good this year.

I'm running out of time, it'll get to me sooner or later. The sad thoughts will come and I won't be able to stop it, but I don't want to say bye.

Please just tell me why I'm so hollow. Please give me instructions, I promise I'll follow. I tripped on my ankle and fractured my elbow, but doesn't that mean that I'll get more attention?

My friends have left me and my 'family' still ignores me.

Wait don't go away, can I lie here forever?

"You say that I'm better, why don't I feel better?" I ask my therapist. "The universe works in mysterious ways, but I'm starting to think it ain't working for me. Should I be good?"