Death and living. Two things in this worlds, two concept of what people are. I/we belong to the Dead one's, a dead one's that has living body but not living as a human like everybody does.
Nov 25, 2021. 12:22-23 am as we write this thing finished downloading some shitty stuff we don't wanna but our lust call us.
For the first time again I felt like a normal person outside the house I appreciated all around me to the moon and to the whispering of wind to my cheeks and the sweet slow sway of leaves in the dark peaceful night.
Never wanted this day to end like I'm a almost content person wanting to just enjoy every bit of me
For the first time I thought about life and death, live and die thing.
Never had I ever imagined I will be seeing things rationally and not be miserable.
Things changed after they left me alone.
I had thought so much.
I always wanted to grow.
But maybe it's process of healing and loving self still denial at acceptance
Hunger intensifying as we wanted to eat the leftovers adobo but it's all eaten.
So we just cooked ourselves a instant noodles and oh no sleep? I think digest first hahaha.
Things in life sometimes can be worth looking at I know this feeling only lasts for a days heck I'm lucky if it'll go weeks
But I know it'll never will I just want to be confident and just try to erase all the negative but I am not that strong enough nor mature enough to fight this anxiety and depression.
Oct 13.
11:40pm
Dearest self, I'm in great pain again not a surprise though we've been here again running like circles through a maze that never ends it's just keep taking on toll on us and here we go again keeping it to ourselves because we are backing on anyone and cutting them off again it just keep sad and sadder from how I act everyday I am like a mental patient and it's no joke at all I'm self aware I'm ugly and self aware that I am mentally unstable so god help me from this days because I feel like shit again and I don't know what to do, I'm having too much in my pockets and I know it's my obligations but help me god I don't know anymore im being back to where I was again and it's scaring me how it wi affect me and damage myself over and over.
