Willow has just one rule:
Must. Always. Hate. Dane.
She grew up with Dane Wainsworth, just as her brother. He's her brother's bestfriend. And she hates him. He's annoying, arrogant and way too confident.
But that's not what she writes in her diary...
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"Can I stay here?"
I smile. "Of course you can! We'll just have to ask my parents, but they'll be fine with it." He sighs, probably relieved, and smiles too. Then, I remember he didn't tell me anything.
"Why didn't you just tell me? Why did everybody but me know?" I ask, and he slumps again. "I-I just wanted to make the good choice. You'd have made me choose you immediately, but I wanted to reconsider again. It's a big choice, you know?"
He thought I'd be that selfish?
"You think I'd have done that? Don't you know I want the best for you? After everything we went through, you think that? Dane, you're a fucking jerk. I can't believe you. Urgh, you're just fucking me up," I scream at him. He doesn't say anything
I stare at him.
He blinks at me.
"You didn't just say that.... did you?" His voice is one of pain. Low and a whimper. He looks small and vulnerable. "I did. Now go fuck up someone else and leave."
He nods, gazing down. "Then I guess I should go. If you want that," he whispers. He turns around and storms out of my room.
The asshole.
****
"Then I guess I should go."
The words haunt me the whole night. I can't sleep, seeing his hurt expression in my mind the whole time. He even ruined reading for me, I can't focus on it.
It's ten am, and I'm so stressed out my mind is all giddy. I decide to call Lily, to ask her advice. She picks up immediately.
"Willow, what the fuck," she spits, even though I haven't even said anything. I frown. "What?" She sighs, loudly enough so I can hear.
I decide to take the softly asking tactic. "I don't understand. Are you mad at me?" I whisper. She makes a sound that lets me know how annoyed or frustrated she is.
"Of course I am! Who isn't? Tyson is, and so are Noah, Oliver, Nick and of course Jack." I gasp. "But why? What did I do?"
I don't get it. "YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW?" she yells. I close my eyes. No?
"You're telling me you don't have a clue I'm talking about how you ditched Dane? That you don't know how you broke his heart? That you don't know he came in yesterday, crying, for Tyson? He came for love advice to Tyson. Then you know how bad it is."
Okay, no. I did not know that. "Thanks again, babe," I hear Tyson say. I frown. "Wait. Is everyone there just listening to me?"
"Yep. So, spill. Why did you ditch Dane like he's some trash bag no one loves?" I hear Nick yell. My tears finally fall down. I've been holding them all day and night, but now I can't hold them any longer.
And I spill. Everything. "He's still doubting if he has to choose his parents or me. I know it sounds so egoistic, but I can't live without him, okay? So I said he should go to America. To go and leave me alone, like he would have eventually. It's true, isn't it? Dane is just not the guy who can maintain a relationship-"
I get cut off by Oliver. "That's the biggest fucking lie I've ever heard. Don't you fucking know how much that dude loves you? You're the biggest fucking-" Lily cuts him off. "Enough, Oliver. Don't finish that sentence."
"I know how much he loved me. But if he's still doubting, what does that say about his love? It tells me he doesn't love me enough anymore. It tells me his love died. So, I told him to fuck up someone else and leave."
My words hang between us for a few moments. Then, groans fill the room.
"You're fucking stupid." Oliver.
"How... Oh my God." Tyson.
"What the actual...?" Nick.
"You're nice, but oh so dumb." Noah.
"She didn't learn anything, did she?" Lily.
"Willow, I truly hope you don't believe this bullshit. How on earth did you think he is doubting? Okay, yeah, he is. But not between you and his parents. No! He was asking you to go visit his parents with him! They asked him to choose America, again, and they promised him they would get him into Harvard, or Yale. And he wanted them to just shut up. He's happy here, with you. But what do you think he reconsidered yesterday?" Jack.
Shit.
Yale? Harvard? Those are the best universities... and he declined? For me?
"Willow?" I hear Jack ask. I hang up and sob. I ruined it. I should have listened to him. Why didn't I listen to him?
The phone rings again. Lily is calling... I let it ring, but shut it off after. I don't need any more lectures about how stupid I was. I know now. But it's too late now, isn't it?
I think about all my happy moments with Dane. Well, almost all moments with Dane were happy.
The first time I saw him.
The time he showed up in my class, at the start of this year.
The first time I looked at him without feeling disgust.
The first hug.
The first kiss.
The first 'I love you'.
the time we first made up, at the field.
And then the bad moments.
That time he thought I was cheating with Noah.
That time he almost had to move to America.
And now again. Wait. Is he moving to America now?
I jump up and turn my phone on again. 16 missed calls, all from the boys and Lily. I sigh. I call Jack, and he picks up immediately. "Jesus, Willow! Shutting off your phone? You're gonna listen to me now!" he yells.
Sobbing, I interrupt him. "No, Jack, please. I know," I whimper, shutting him up. "You know? I don't think you know at all, Willow. Do you know he's packing right now? That his plane is leaving half an hour from now?" he snaps.
My mind darkens. My eyes widen, though I can't see anything through the tears. I scream, letting my phone fall.
I collapse on the floor, crying so hard I'm choking on my tears. He's leaving? We're not done yet, him and me. But I told him otherwise, so I lost him.
