At Odds & Loose Ends: A poetry Collection

Edgy Poems & Self-Esteem

I never figured out why I'm not worthy of ruthless tragedy

It's always: not here, later, calm down, stop it.

I'm not qualified to cry or have wrinkles,

I'm not allowed to look anywhere for too long or sit comfortably in my best friend's house

Cross your legs, sit still, be quiet

It wasn't Instagram filters or bikini ads that taught me these things

It's familiar faces—people I love or had loved or don't love anymore

their tongues wag like the golden tails of bygone retrievers

"Do your best" became - "Break yourself or don't bother."

I did all of those things and got fully sick at the end of it, just like they said

Bite your lip, smile, push it down

But my parents would like me to be better; to do better.

They all would—the wagging tongues that is. My dogs are dead.

I'm not allowed to knock out a tooth or scribble edgy poems

into the wrinkled borderlands of papers that aren't mine

I'm not allowed to be mistaken; even once. If I find myself ignorant - l(earn)ie

I'm not allowed to indulge in dramatics and ugly cry over Studio Ghibli films

long into the black, wretched nights

Put on that dress, grow out your hair, lose the weight

Then what the hell am I doing here, in a place so clearly made for all these things?

And why am I the only one without them?