Who We Are | TWD

.037

   

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    I wake up to the sound of a bird right outside my window. I sit up in my bed, eyes heavy, but trying to open as wide as they can to see the little songbird perched on the roof. It hops to the side, making another call, but then flies away a second later.

    Last night, Daryl was already home when I got back. He didn't go the the party. I was glad to have someone who was as sick of the socialization as I was. I had taken a movie out and put it on the TV in the living room. We watched the entire thing before I finally headed off to bed. I will admit, I'm still surprised he was good with watching one with me and even sat through the entire thing.

    I don't know what time the others got home. When I had looked at the clock in my room before turning my lamp off, it had been just past midnight. When I turn to look at it now, it reads nine. I guess I was tired.

    I get out of bed and throw on an outfit. I take one of the sweaters Deanna had given me, a light brown one that is a few sizes too big, and another pair of jeans. I put on my boots that I had thrown to the side last night before I fell asleep. I contemplate wearing my old ones since they are much more broken in, but they are also much dirtier and need to be cleaned before I can wear them again.

    The last thing I do before going downstairs is comb my fingers through my hair a couple of times. It's good enough. I've got used to not having to impress these people, which is fine by me.

    Rick and Daryl are eating breakfast with Michonne and Noah. I had only caught a glimpse of them last night at the party. With everyone going at different times, me being on the roof with Ron, and then leaving early, I hadn't seen much of anyone last night. "Good morning, sleepy head," Michonne smiles. She's dressed in her windbreaker outfit again. Rick is, too. I know they have work today.

    Michonne finishes her bowl of cereal. Rick does the same before giving me a quick hug and telling me he'll be back after work. Carol is apparently watching Judith this morning as long as I can swing by and take her for the afternoon. Him leaving and  all seems weird, but I nod my head and fix myself some breakfast.

    Daryl drops his bowl in the sink just as I sit down. "I'm going." I don't even have a chance to ask him what he's talking about before he's out the back door and gone.  

    The silence doesn't last very long because just as I have started to become comfortable with it, Carl comes stumbling down the stairs. I almost want to finish my food and head back to my room, but Carl is already talking to me.

    "Where were you last night?" he asks seriously, almost as if accusing me of something.

    "Does it really matter?" I shoot back, narrowing my eyes.

    "I didn't see you at all last night and then you left early," he argues. I sit up from my seat, almost spilling my cereal on the floor.

    "So, it's a problem when you don't see me for an hour but it's wrong of me to worry about you when I don't see you for two days?" I yell back. Carl doesn't know how to answer at first.

    "It's not the same."

    "No, it isn't," I agree, taking a step closer.

    "And why were you with Ron?" Carl presses.

    "I could ask the same about you and Enid," I sigh. Instead of fleeing to my bedroom like I was planning to, I go straight out the door. I think about going to Carol's house, but I know she'll be occupied with Judith and who knows what else. I want to run. I want to be free of this place. I want to be back on top of Deanna's roof, letting the wind comb itself through my hair as I watch the sun sink below the horizon.

     I think about enlisting Daryl to bring me beyond the walls. He'll surely have the authority to do so as well as the common sense to keep me safe. It could be just like it was back at the prison. That's until I remember he has a job and is supposed to be working until later. It makes me jealous. I wish I had some simple work to pull my mind off everything, even if it was just for a second.

    I pump my arms, my legs going faster than I thought they could as I aimlessly round a corner. My sweater sleeves flap in the breeze like wings. The cold air burns my cheeks to what I can easily tell is a deep red. I can feel it flowing into my lungs, causing my chest to ache.

    My feet come to a stop right in front of the pond. A compulsive thought in my brain tells me to jump in, but I know better than to do that right now. My chest heaves, begging for air. I suck in any little bit I can through my open mouth.

     "Emmie!" calls a voice. I turn to see Ron, clearly out of breath. He's the last person I want to see right now. Well, maybe Carl is the very last person, but he's right up there with him.

    "Ron," I say. He comes to a stop in front of me, searching for air. I ran past his house without even noticing. He noticed.

    "Wha- what are you do- doing?" he pants.

    "I decided to go for a run," I say as composed as I can so I don't seem out of breath anymore. I still haven't sorted out my thoughts about Ron. On one hand, it'd be nice to have a friend, especially since Carl is being intolerable at the moment, but I also don't want to get too connected to these people. I haven't made up my mind about any of them yet. Each time I let my guard down, one of them creeps their way closer to me. I hate it.

    "A run? That was your casual run? In jeans?"

    I shrug. "Sure." I move my eyes to the ground as my boot scuffs a specific patch of mud, wiping away the words that were once there. I had been meaning to do so. Finally getting it done feels comforting. Ron doesn't seem to notice me doing it. That's good.

    "Listen, I have to go," I say finally. I turn to leave, but Ron is grabbing my arm before I can.

    "You maybe wanna hangout later?"

    "Maybe." I pull my arm back lightly, tuck my hands in my pockets, and keep walking. I know the answer he wanted was a 'yes', but I can't be doing this right now.