Who We Are | TWD

.053

    Glumness was something that didn't just weigh you down, but everyone around you, too. Emilia was well aware of this as she followed little Milo from their cell block and out the door to the steaming courtyard. She shuffled slowly down the stairs, not particularly enjoying any of the heat, the temperature of it seeping into the soles of her boots.

    The day was warm, once again. Inside of the cell blocks was either intolerable or comfortable, but there was no in between. In all honesty, Emmie wanted nothing to do with going outside. If it was up to her, she would've stayed in her bunk for the day, staring at the cinder block wall and tracing her finger through the ingrained cracks. That wasn't how it was allowed to go, however, because that meant her emotions would reflect on Milo and that was something she refused to tolerate. Milo would not feel her emotions and that was final.

    Milo trotted down the steps excitedly, slipping towards the middle of the courtyard. There wasn't much to do out there, but he enjoyed it just the same. Carol had mentioned scavenging for some toys such as a basketball for the beat up hoop outside or some sidewalk chalk for the kids. Then again, nobody could deny the sunken features on the older kid's faces, forced to grow up at such a young age, so they would mostly be for Milo who was already an avid imaginative whiz. He didn't need toys when he ran around the courtyard, convincing Emmie and Beth to play with him. A prison was nowhere for kids, but neither was a world filled with dead people that came back to feed on the living.

    There was constant worry surrounding the well-being of Rick, the look in his eyes growing more and more distant from his body until it seemed as though he were a million miles away. With Cole gone, Rick was Emmie's father and his mental health completely warranted her concern.

    Carl didn't talk about losing his mom. In fact, he hardly talked at all. The boy Emmie had spent all winter with was slipping away into even more nothingness than he had been before, becoming just a figment of the one she had met a little over a year ago. He was reserved through the long days and nights after the farm, but that was to be expected after all he had been through. How he was acting after losing his mother wasn't surprising, either, but that didn't mean she was glad about it. Seeing Carl hurt made Emmie hurt even more than she already did. It was as simply gut wrenching as that.

    After spending so much time around a variety of different grieving people, she realized that everyone coped with their losses differently. For herself, she sat in a monotonous stupor, the same thoughts racing through her head of what she could've done differently or changed. She thought about how everything that had ever happened to anyone she loved was all her fault, too. Of course, this was after the onslaught of tears that covered her eyes for days. They started loudly with deep breathing until they became nothing but a quiet drip down her cheek accompanied by silent sniffles.

    Emmie had grieved alone after losing her father. He kept their family in line and she knew that. Without him, there was no time in the light of day to go through what she did, so she went through it at night, hiding her face underneath her sleeping bag and quieting her sobs with the palm of her hand. She and Milo were nothing more than orphans now, the leftover remnants of their family. There was no mom or dad to care for them, but she felt as though, in certain ways she didn't even need them, even though it was just her mind fooling her to move on. Milo needed parents and she was destined to do whatever she could to for him.

    Milo had been taking the losses of their parents considerably well. At least that's what Emmie believed. Then again, she had forgotten that he was hardly old enough to understand what was going on, let alone sort out all of his innermost feelings. It'll be something he will cry about when he's older, Emmie would think as she gently stroked his dark curls to help him fall asleep at night.