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Part 14 - Insecurities

14. Insecurities

Tonje's POV

There was something about handicapped people: Insecurity.

I meant, we all had insecurities, but to people with their impairing body parts, their complexity was greater. For one reason, their limitation in physical ability made them feel less desirable.

When Lene failed to stand up again, her self-anger was too much to ignore.

I didn't really know her motivation to come visit me at the couch, but to me it was flattering as she cared about me. Or it was just insomnia that hit her lately, so she just had nothing to do.

Then she stumbled on me, again. She tended to fall for me, I smiled at the idea. I meant, she was hella cute and she liked me weirdly. But, of course, it was because we had a special bond, and I had the Halo Effect of an angel.

Also, I wasn't the kind of person (I wasn't even a person to begin with) who gave false hope. As for David, I had avoided his flirtings as a leper before, but still he liked me a lot. I wouldn't let Lene do the same. It was much of a problem now.

"I-I just went for water and saw your blanket drop, s-so I helped," she stammered when I was giggling.

Why did she have that panic? Then I noticed her upper body was on top of me, and I remembered I teased her to be secretly gay this afternoon.

I played along, "Never mind, I just laugh at your failed attempt to assassinate me."

"I'm sorry, WHAT?"

"Down your voice, I already know you're a screaming baby." It was a joke.

"WHAT? That sounds wrong as fuck," she yelled.

"Shh, Lene. You're gonna wake the house, duh."

She struggled to stand up or sit up again, her hands pinned my arms on the couch, not wanting me to help. And she didn't want me to show any sympathy either. I understood, but seeing her doing that hurt me. Like really hurt when you are her real guardian angel.

I let her try till she gave up, but to my surprise, she didn't give up. She tried and tried, yet to no avail, her body wouldn't listen to her.

Self-esteem was higher than body image, that was to Lene.

I decided I must help her. Therefore I sat up, coaxing her on the couch.

"I can do it myself," she firmly said. But her body didn't obey.

"I wanna help," I said with a good intention, "we're going to be a family soon."

"Don't pity me, I'm not that useless," she scolded.

She was...hurt, I realized. Her feelings leaned towards upset. And actually upset, not just being silly or sulky about taking the couch or going back to the bedroom without me.

I raised both hands in the air, surrendering with her stubbornness.

Now we were back to the negotiation game. I offered to give her the couch, it could fit 2 of us. I didn't mind.

"No way I sleep with you," she said, then she hesitated, as it was a good deal.

I tried again, "Well, so how about you take the couch and I go to your room?"

Lene widened her eyes, so I knew she didn't want me there. She explained stuff about her using the cane was illegal in this house and stuff about William. Of course I knew that already.