We weren't meant to be. I just knew it. We never dated. I always loved him, and he had a crush on me for a moment, I guess. I used to consider him as my sweet first love but know its an obsession. I think of him all the time. All. The. Time. On vacation, in my room, when I'm alone, when I'm with friends, at lunch, at night, in the morning. At first, it was cute. It has now become a sickness. I'm tired of thinking about this idiot. I know that I'm never going to end up with him why the hell do I even bother? All this energy I spend on fake scenarios that make me feel even worse. I watch as other girls flirt with him, talk to him, just acknowledge him. I'm pathetic really. I don't have a single odd in my favor. Why do I bother? Why do I bother? Why, why, why? And why him? He's an a**hole, that, everybody knows. Including me. But I just can't help myself. I can't even imagine myself confessing my feelings. I'm so embarrassed about them that I can't even tell my friends. They would probably laugh, and I'll have to laugh along, whilst my heart cracks...or not. What's the point? Its so ridiculous it makes me mad. I listen to sad love songs thinking about him and he probably doesn't even remember my freaking age. I dream of our wedding, whilst he plays video games with his friends. I look so pathetic. So, so pathetic.
