I'm paralyzed by fear all the time. My usual trauma response isn't freeze thought, my therapist told me that. But when I think of losing her, I simply cannot move. My heart starts pounding. My head aches. I won't be able to make it through life without her. If I don't protect her, then I'll have failed my task. She's the one to remind me my parents aren't evil, they're just hurt. She's the one to cry at night for me when i feel lonely and sad. She's the one who can't hurt a fly and would rather get her heart shattered than let anyone feel pain. She's the one to seek protection through my healing. But I'm getting tired. I don't have enough energy for both of us. As a matter of fact, I dont even have enough strength for one of us. I'm tired. I try to comfort her by telling her that I'll never let her go. But I'm angry, burnt out, lonely. She just sits there, neglected as always. Maybe after all this time it's time to say goodbye, cuz I'm getting pretty tired. Apparently, it's impossible to leave her. If we go down, then we go together. But I don't want her to suffer. She deserves way better. I ask her who she is and what she wants. She tells me her name is ''Inner child''. As for my other question, she just hugs me as an answer. I swear to protect her no matter what.
