The Pencil's Case

Push and pull

I had finished preparing the meal, I went up to his bedroom. I opened the dresser again and swapped sweatpants for shorts. I took my top off, my bottom too and put on the pair the shorts. Suddenly, Dewei shouted, followed by a loud noise. I rushed into the bathroom, he was on the floor, I logically asked him if he was okay. "Not really. I was about to scream your name" he admitted. ... I didn't reply right away. "Let me help you stand up" I offered. While I helped him he explained the situation to me: "I wanted to leave the bathtub but when I lifted my second leg...". I could finish this sentence: "You fell because of the pain". Happily, he has his underwear on. I can imagine him having difficulties putting it on. I chuckle. Then I lifted him for the third time tonight. He looked away from me. It recalls me I was shirtless. Oops. I launched him on his bed, before going to take his clothes and give them to him. Thinking about it, he won't make it by himself, as when he tried to leave the bathtub alone. I took his shorts. I spent both of his legs in, then I make him stand on his legs again. Next, I rode it up to his waist while he was leaning on me. Then he sat again he then spoke: "Thank you. I am a bit ashamed".

"That's because you forced on your knee earlier. Take rest and it will come back to normal. You don't have to be ashamed of being injured" I calmly said.

"And you?" he asked me. I questioned what does he mean and he explained he heard what I said earlier about the wound behind my tattoo. "I don't hide it because I am ashamed, I simply have nobody to talk with about it" I indicated. He suggest the police officer alias Hyunshik but I claimed: "certainly not". "Me?" he asked sweetly. He caressed my torso. I took his hand after closing my eyes, "please, don't do that" I begged. I opened my eyes. He did not change the subject by asking me where my scars were coming from. What to answer if not: "my sins" as I did making him wonder what I meant. But I refused to talk about that saying we shouldn't.

"Your tattoos" he started... Right, I was shirtless and in shorts, so the three of them were visible. "they are screaming out your loneliness" he completed. I looked up at him. "I designed each one of them" I recognized. He pointed out that means I also knew how to draw. I concede it as one of my hidden talents making him curious about possible others. "The first one is I can lift you how long as I wish" I joked. He smiled again with that smile proper to him so I confessed I was doomed. In doing so it lead him to ask why and continuously I softly declared: "I love you". He couldn't understand the negative aspect:

"That's okay! Like that, we are two!"

"No, you don't understand" I tipped him.

"Explain it to me", he requested even if I shouldn't tell him.

"I am about to move away," I said after a short blank.

His eyes widened and apologized after. He thought out loud as he believed to understand it was the reason why I was pushing him away all this time. But I wanted to be honest with him right now: "No. It has been decided yesterday".

"What?"

"Right before your call" I tried to contextualize.

"Not that. You said it has been, not I decided or have decided" he pointed out.

When I said he was clever... But I apologized because I couldn't tell him more not, unaware of his next words: "Okay. Then can you kiss me?". Without I understood he added: "I want to kiss you without any lies, any problems just now the two of us". Honesty when you have a hold on us! I continued being honest: "I can. Clearly, we are only the two of us here. But, I won't". It hurt him, again... With nothing else to lose I clarified: "I don't know where it would lead me if I do, to be completely honest with you". He didn't get mad as I would have thought but he stuck to his idea: "I don't care about that. What happens next can occur. I want you to kiss me here and now".

That dare in his eyes, that passion, that sincerity, this speech... I emergently left the room taking my shirt by the way. I get down to the bottom of the house. I went into the living room. I sat on the sofa after putting my shirt on. I was taking deep breaths. Nerdy is on a date right now, I don't know how he mixed normal life and criminal one. He must be strong to face it. People always tell me about how much I am tough, how much strength I have... No one sees my weak sides... "Your tattoos... They are screaming out your loneliness." It led me to whisper maybe he does.

No matter what I can not let him like that. He must be afraid stuck in his bedroom, more precisely on his bed...