Beat The Odds [BTS Fanfiction]

Chapter 3 - 'You're Gonna Look Like Britney Spears Gone Wild'

Here I was again, lying on the shiny leather couch, talking to Dr. Kim. I was staring at the ceiling again crossing my arms and legs. I didn't want to be here but I suppose it beat sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.

"So how are you feeling after your first chemo?" Jin asked. I sighed. I had been waiting for this.

"It feels pretty bad I gotta say," I explained. I don't know why I had to tell him this. He doesn't know what I'm going through. "My head hurts really bad right now"

"Yeah ummmmmm," he paused as if looking for the right ting to say. Was there a right thing to say? This was so awkward and uncomfortable. "From what I understand it's pretty rough."

From what he understands? He understands nothing about this 'process'. He doesn't know what it's like to have fluids forced into your body that hurt but you just have to deal with it. He has no idea.

"But it will pass," he added. Then he patted me on the shoulder and left his hand there. Why was he touching me? I glanced at his hand then back to him. It felt inappropriate. He saw me looking and realised I was uncomfortable. He removed his hand awkwardly and wouldn't look at me as he did.

"Mmmm," I agreed unenthusiastically.

"I think it's important to remember that these side effects are normal," he told me.

"Well that's good," I said sarcastically. "I'd hate to feel special in some kind of way."

It was silent again. That man didn't have a clue how to do this did he? God help the poor souls who have to go to him when he's officially a doctor.

"Uh I'm sensing anger which is good," he said trying to smile.

"I'm not angry!" I said loudly. It came out a lot angrier than I intended it to which didn't help. I had made him feel uncomfortable again because he didn't say anything. I could feel him staring at me even though I was looking at the ceiling. I decided to keep the conversation going.

"Why would that be good?"

"Because you're expressing yourself," he explained. He seemed excited to show off what he had learned. "You're dealing with a very serious illness and it ummmmm...it brings up a lot of emotions."

"So you're trying to make me freak out and get angry? Is that what's going on here?"

"I'm not trying to make you freak out," he said quickly. "But I want you to get in touch with what you're feeling inside. So if you're angry-"

"I'm not angry okay? Why would I...," I stopped and sighed. "Let's just do the relaxation thing yea? Can we do that? I wanna hear some sitars and go to my happy place and feel the light."

"I see," said Jin, nodding his head and looking very disappointed. I felt bad now. I wasn't normally this cranky but everything was changing now and I was having a hard time coping.

"Sorry for being a bitch, I didn't mean that," I apologised. He looked up at me and gave me a small smile.

"I don't need you to apologise and try to take care of me," he said. "I'm actually trying to care of you."

"You're right," I agreed.

"Listen, there's a couple of books I want you to check out," he said while writing on a page. "A lot of people find them helpful."

He ripped the page in half and handed me what he had written. I glanced at the titles but didn't really notice what they were.

"You don't have to read them cover to cover, just flick through them. I think you'll find them helpful."