You Drive Me Crazy "Moth Man" (Shyan)

This Year (Chapter 7)

(Sorry for the long wait, i've been busy with school. lol)
(TW// self harm, idk sad stuff, angst, bad/rushed writing)

Shane awoke with sleep in his eyes. His hands fumbled around for his glasses that he left somewhere on his nightstand. His hand finally smacked the hard plastic of his glasses and he sleepily put them on. He rolled to his side and was face to face with the one and only, Ryan Bergara.
Suddenly, images from last night flooded his dreary mind.
The blood running down his arm, the salty tears falling into his mouth, Ryan knocking on his door, Ryan's... Taste. Shane sat up and put his head in his hands. His taste, his taste, his taste, it reverberated in his mind. Honey, ginseng, and a slight twinge of whisky; that's how Shane would describe Ryan's taste. Shane looked over at the passed-out boy on the opposite side of his bed and sighed. He felt... Guilty?

Was that even the right word for how he felt? "I don't feel like thinking about that right now," Shane mumbled to himself as he got up to take a shower. He grabbed a light gray sweater, some black sweatpants, and new underwear before making his way to the bathroom.

Shane looked at his reflection and felt his gut twist. His dark circles appeared darker (if that was even possible), tear tracks ran down his face, and it looked like he had packed on a few extra pounds. He grabbed a little bit of the flab on his face, huffing out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He fought back tears as he pulled his clothes off. It's fine, I'll just go back to dieting. Maybe I'll retry CrossFit! Shane reassured himself before stepping into the shower.

-

Ryan had woken up a little bit after Shane left to take a shower. Ryan frowned slightly when he realized the warmth, that was Shane, had left. Ryan pouted then stood up and looked for Shane's laptop. Ryan was a workaholic so, even though it was the weekend, he still felt the need to finish off the script he was working on for Unsolved. Ryan looked for Shane's laptop in his work bag and found it.

He already knew Shane's laptop's password, because Ryan had used Shane's laptop like this before. He quickly logged into it and switched from Shane's Google account to his Google account. As he began to continue writing the finalizations for the script Shane walked into the room and smiled at Ryan. Ryan felt his heart flutter when he looked at the tall, wet man in front of him. "Take a picture it'll last longer," Shane joked, noticing Ryan's staring.

"Oh, haha. Whatever," Ryan said rolling his eyes and sending the script off to his higher-ups. Shane strolled up to Ryan, closed the laptop, and got into Ryan's face. "It's the weekend Ryan. C'mon, let's stop worrying about work and do something fun!" Shane lectured softly. Ryan's stomach did backflips but, he managed to say, "I was just about to turn it off anyway." Shane smiled fondly at the shorter and walked with him out to the kitchen, where Shane went to make something for breakfast and Ryan stood next to him, watching Shane cook.

  "So, What are your plans for today, Moth Man?" Ryan asked. Shane just shrugged and waved his hand around above his head. "I don't know. Whatever you want to do, B'gara," Shane stated. Ryan thought for a while about what they could do, "I have an idea."

   Shane quirked an eyebrow at the other as he turned his head away from the frying pan. "There's that new nightclub they opened over by Vermont Avenue! We could go there if you want," Ryan said while resting his head on Shane's forearm. "Sure, sounds like fun!" Shane responded while flipping the eggs.

   Ryan's eyebrows furrowed and he gazed up at Shane. He slowly, yet firmly, interlaced his fingers with Shane's and exhaled. "Shane, we need to talk..." Ryan felt Shane tense up and grip Ryan's hand tighter. Before Ryan could get another word in Shane flipped around and shoved a plate of eggs into Ryan's arms exclaimed, "Look, breakfast! Enjoy," and scurried off.

   Now Ryan was extremely worried about Shane, so he dropped the plate and ran after him. "Shane? Shane, please wait!" Ryan shouted as he hurried after him. Before Ryan could catch up with him, Shane shut the bedroom door on Ryan's face and sat on the floor. Ryan began knocking on the door. "Shane. Shane please, just talk to me," he asked gently.

   "There's nothing to talk about, Ryan!" Shane fought back. "Yes, there is and you KNOW there is!" Ryan rebutted. Shane suddenly opened the door harshly; towering over Ryan, he shouted, "Well, MAYBE I don't WANT TO talk about it!" "YOU CAN'T KEEP PUSHING SHIT LIKE THIS OFF TO THE SIDE SHANE!" Ryan finally yelled while standing his ground. Ryan grasped Shane's shirts sleeve, yanked it up, and audibly gasped.

   Red. That's the only word Ryan could think of at the moment as his eyes scanned the marked arms of his lover. Scars, scabs, and open wounds contrasted against Shane's pasty skin.

   "Shane..."
"Please don't..."

   Ryan's eyes met Shane's, and that's when he realized, this was real. All of this, what they are; what they're doing, was real. Ryan's hand reached for Shane's and he laced his fingers with Shane's. Ryan leaned in closer to Shane and embraced him.

   "I'm sorry." Ryan whimpered.
"Don't be. I know you're only trying to help me."   Shane consoled Ryan and himself.

   The two stood there holding each other and swaying to a melody that didn't exist. They did this for a few minutes in comfortable, yet slightly tense silence. Shane gently pushed away from Ryan, looked down at him teary-eyed, and asked, "Do you still want to go to that nightclub later today?" Ryan returned his gaze, smiled, and shook his head, " Let's get you cleaned up first, yeah?" Shane nodded and let go of Ryan slowly.

The two, led by Ryan, made their way to the cramped bathroom. Shane sat down on the bathtub edge and anxiously pulled up his sleeves while Ryan sat opposite of him; on the toilet. Shane sat there with his sleeves rolled up as Ryan sat there looking expectantly at him. "You need to take your shirt off... So I can do a thorough check for cuts," Ryan explained when Shane gave him a weird look. "Oh, right sorry," Shane mumbled.

He pulled his shirt off and the true terror of Shane's mental stability was revealed. Ryan wanted to cry; this was all so much to take in. He quickly composed himself and began to carefully bandage Shane's wounds. Shane would every so often flinch and Ryan would apologize. After about 7 minutes of attempting to bandage Shane's wounds, Ryan had finally finished.

Shane silently thanked Ryan and stood up from where he was sitting. He bent over and hugged Ryan and whispered, "We should go get ready for our date," into Ryan's ear. Ryan smirked and grabbed Shane's hand to help him get up. They both left the bathroom and Shane went straight to his closet to look for something to wear. Ryan stood awkwardly behind him and stuttered out, "I'm going go home now. I've got to go get changed for tonight." Shane pulled away from his closet and turned his head towards Ryan .

"Oh, okay, I'll see you soon then," Shane said while strolling up to him. Shane gave him a quick kiss on the lips and turned back to his clothes. Ryan stood there, shell shocked, for just a moment before quickly muttering a goodbye and walking back to his apartment.

(Hope your enjoying. Your words mean a lot to me 💕)