charade

━━ darling, choose us.

THE VOID INSIDE Y/N'S HEART REMAINED STILL AS SHE EYED HERSELF IN THE REFLECTION OF THE MIRROR PASTED AT THE BIVOUAC of her own sleeping chambers. Well, she have been long hooked in looking at her own frame the moment that the puny confab around the bonfire from awhile ago ended, clueless as why the hell does her innards kept on combusting in ache for the first time in a while even when she tried her hardest to conceal every fiber of that feeling.

Even when her heart constantly screams for the reason why, she still kept on neglecting it whilst thinking that it will do her and her plans no good at all. Still, her mind just ponder around the thought if she can like multiple men at once without prioritizing the other and evading the rest and yet, she found no answers from her mind at all, even it's pros and cons since all her thoughts that are so linked up to is the fact that Hanma is kissing Belle.

Hanma Shuji is kissing Belle Fujiwara, his long partner when he went to Germany. She once thought that it's not a rare case to happen since men have their needs to fulfill but on the second thought-

"Fuck his needs." Y/n hissed. For some reason, it panged her innards so much the moment that she hearkened it from Rindou but no tears nor something that she could do to wipe the affliction out of her heart had sufficed. It hurts but she can't seem to do or say anything nor find the right emotion to react upon hearing that news. All she felt at that time is her heart yelling that she likes Hanma as well but she holds no obligation to talk and forgive the hombre face to face without him begging on his knees.

She want to torment him up to that scale but fate must be playing with her with a bunch of uno since it gave her no corollary but a reverse card. She's the one who's suffering now from the idea that Hanma kissed another woman aside from her.

Yet she thought that it'll be hypocritical for her to think like that especially when almost all of Bonten's members had already kissed her, not to mention that Rindou even fucked her in the open and she loved every single bit of it. She even had wet dreams about Kakucho and Sanzu, all whilst thinking that they're the ones who killed her friends. And now that she thought of it more to the depths, it's just too messy to say that she likes Hanma especially when she like the time she spent with the other Bonten members as well.

"Is it really possible or is it normal to even like multiple men at once? Does it really happen in real life or was it just an ideology that people created for thirsty fucks like me? Goddamn it. Why am I even thinking about things like those?" She chuckled to herself, probably hanging on to her last bit of sanity since asking and talking to herself is the first thing that a normal person won't even dare to do.

All she need for now is a waft of fresh gale to think more deeply than before and since everybody might be sleeping for now, she kicked the pillows off of her frame before standing up to silently leave from the soft cushions. If there is one skill that she has to mention, that is being quiet while evading anyone to hear a resonant or see an idea that she's escaping or whatnot - more like a skill that she learned on her youth when Takemichi, Hina, and Naoto would message her to buy ice cream at the downtown right after midnight strikes.

Funny how reminiscing for those fun moments they shared in their youth doesn't give her any sorts of affliction anymore, unlike in the past times wherein even having their faces cross her thoughts makes her want to just follow the path of demise that those three walked on. Regardless of that, she seemed to have grown accustomed to the cosset that Bonten hand freely that even bypassing about the past gives her a little bit of bliss and a little bit of comfort as well.

Getting to meet Bonten because of Hanma's lies is one thing that her mind wouldn't surely just bypass to the depths. She had gone up to the extent of momentum that she even tried to ingest a venom in herself to blame towards one of them, had sex for a compensation that her redeemed enemy wouldn't flake her plans out, and even went to the point wherein wishing death for them is her everyday mantra.