𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙢

𝙤𝙣𝙚

Trigger warning - Suicide, depression, drugs
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A warm tear landed on the bottom of my sweaty knee. My hands were shaking rigorously and my head was spinning.

I grabbed all the drugs my parents had stored in the top cabinet. I thought at this moment my mind would be filled with emotions but no matter how hard I tried.

I felt nothing.

Not a single thought dared to enter my brain, I guess that reassured me I was making the right decision. I grabbed a glass and filled it with water. I turned the tap off, it was at that moment I caught a glimpse of myself in the kitchen mirror.

My hair was messy and filled with grease from the long days I had spared washing it. My eyes broken and my body pale and sleep deprived. I looked ugly. I looked tired. I looked sick.

God knows what stopped me that night but after seeing myself I sat on my kitchen island, staring at a family photo taken around 5 years ago.

Me, my brother and my sister were kneeling on the ground whilst my mum and dad were standing over us, huddling us together. My brothers hair was ridiculous and my outfit was definitely not as fashionable as I thought it was but we all looked happy.
So happy.

How did I end up like this?

I can't help but realise I was the screw up of the family. I was the person who fell so deep I started bringing them down with me. Ever since the incident my thoughts had been controlling yet my parents found it easy to get up and move on. I wanted to feel better but how could I do that?

I put everything back where I found it and decided to take a nap to stop myself from thinking. It was easier that way.

I woke up to a message from you.

Unknown number: Hi Tayla. Don't want to bother you just wondering how you are holding up?

Was I supposed to know this guy? I thought for a moment before writing a very complex response.

Tayla Evans: ??

Seconds after I heard another buzz from you.

Unknown number: Ohhh I'm the guy you met outside the mall the other day. I think you were pretty drunk that night so you may not remember me.

Oh. God. No.

A few days before I received this message I had been in the city with a few "mates". They took me to a pub and left me their so they could carry on with their night and well let's just say I did not give a shit about how much I was drinking. I faintly remembered an attractive guy helping me up from the pavement and giving me a ride home.

Tayla Evans: oh right, I think I remember some of it. Did I ask for your number by any chance?

Unknown number: I believe your exact words were "you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen" and you refused to get in to the car until I promised to message you. So I kinda owe this to you.

Taylor Evans: sorry think you have the wrong number, there is no way those words came out of my mouth.

Unknown number: Don't want to be the messenger of bad news but it was definitely you...

Taylor Evans: I hope you know I'm dying of embarrassment right now.

Unknown number: If it helps I found your drunk ego super hot.

Taylor Evans: Do I get a name or are you gonna carry on going by "unknown number".

Unknown number: Well then that would defeat the point of me being anonymous. But I guess you could call me Easton.

And just like that you were sending butterflies into my stomach with so much ease. Something about you led me to want to get to know you, even if that was the most catastrophic decision I would ever make.