𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙢

𝙩𝙬𝙤

Trigger Warning - Depression, self harm
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Incoming facetime from: Easton Blaine

Every time your name appeared on my phone, an unintentional smile would intrude my lips.

"Did you miss me?" I just knew you were smirking your ass off when you said that.

"Oh tremendously!" I replied sarcastically.

Although at the time I didn't think that much of it, we had been talking for just over a month and my favourite part of each day was where I got to hear your voice. You somehow helped me and I had no new scars. Even my therapist said she had seen an improvement in my attitude.

"You know I was thinking about where we should go on our first proper 'date' if you will,".

"And what exactly were you thinking?" I remember questioning.

"Well that would all depend on what you would like to do,".

I had been putting it off for weeks and I'm pretty sure you knew that. I was so scared you would be disappointed with what you saw that I convinced myself it would be better for both of us if we stayed as 'internet friends'.

"I think I'm pretty busy this month but maybe at some point next month!"

"Oh come on Tay, I know you don't leave the house apart from when you're going to school, I will understand if your not ready too or I make you uncomfortable but just-

"No it's not like that. I'm just scared you see me differently online,".

"You really think you are going to scare me off?".

"My life isn't a fairytale East, I wouldn't blame you if you realised my life is too complicated for you to be involved in,".

"You are so stupid,".

"Huh?".

"I said you are so stupid," You repeated.

"Oh,".

"You really think I'm that much of a dick to run away from you just because you have a rocky past?".

I froze when I heard those words. I felt my cheeks burn up and my palms became sweaty. I hated that you had that effect on me.

You sensed my silence.

"Exactly, so do one thing for me Tay," your voice vulnerable and desperate, "go on a date with me?".

Although the nerves were still there, I couldn't let you down.

Not like this.

I knew I would have to do this for you. It is just one date after all. One night and then it's over, how hard could it possibly be?

"Okay,".

"HUH?" You shouted, loud enough for the penguins in Antarctica to hear.

"I said okay," I repeated.

"FOR REAL?".

"If you don't want to anymore it's okay I just-

"NO NO NO I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!" I remember hearing the excitement in your voice. "I HAVE A DATE WITH TAYLA FUCKING EVANS!"

I chuckled at your sweet gesture although I couldn't deny that, that night I had felt more wanted than ever before. We had arranged the date Saturday 24th April and decided just to walk around the town close to where we had first met.

We said our goodnights and I laid on my bed staring up at the ceiling. I thought about you pretty much all night. What were you going to be like? How would you act around me? Was your personality going to be completely different in real life?

I tried to think positively but I've never been the optimistic type. I desperately wanted to be enough for you but was I even deserving of that?

So many questions were attacking my mind. I decided to focus on an image of you that I had recovered from my drunk self a month or so earlier.

Soon enough my mind was at rest.