Wanheda - A Clexa Fanfiction

Chapter 9

Lexa was lying unconscious in her bed. Abby was doing everything she could to stop the bleeding with the equipment she was given. In all this, Clarke was watching the scene a few steps from Lexa's bed. The pain was suffocating her, she felt her heart burning in her chest. She'd never felt that way before. She had lost loved ones in the past, she had lost her father, her best friend and Finn, her first love. But that time it was different. She felt something toward Lexa, a connection she had never felt with anyone else. She felt connected to her as if her life depended on Lexa's. The day she saw her for the first time had radically changed her life. Between the two of them was immediately born a strong chemistry. Clarke realized that Lexa had feelings for her from the beginning. She understood it from the way she looked at her, from the attention she paid to her, from the special consideration Lexa had toward her and her people. For her part, she didn't stop to think too much about her feelings. Lexa's little attentions, the way she looked at her, pleased her. On the other hand, receiving attention from the Commander of the 12 clans was no small thing...But she still thought of Finn, and given that she never had relationships with people of her own sex, at first she had not considered a possible affair with Lexa as an option. She realized she was wrong the day Lexa kissed her for the first time. Clarke realized she'd never felt anything like that. She went away because she was afraid of what she had felt, and because she felt guilty towards Finn, who had died at the behest of Lexa, who had died because he loved her. But that kiss had changed everything. Clarke had begun to realize more and more the feelings that Lexa felt for her. She began to notice more and more of Lexa's looks, and she realized that every time Lexa looked at her that way, she blushed and her heart started beating a little louder. From that day on, she hadn't stopped thinking about that kiss, and she couldn't stop thinking that getting away from Lexa was a mistake. She realized that she would want Lexa to take another step towards her, but feared that with her refusal she had burnt any chance of trying to go down that road. When Lexa betrayed her at Mount Weather, Clarke was sure it was her fault. She believed that, deep down, there was something personal about that betrayal, and she was convinced that Lexa would no longer want anything to do with her. She hated her because of that too, but she was wrong. Lexa had saved her life. When she saw her again in Azgeda's dungeon, something lit up inside her. She wanted to hate Lexa, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't. Lexa looked at her with her beautiful green eyes, and Clarke felt herself burning every time. She loved to get lost in Lexa's piercing eyes, she loved to feel her eyes on her. She soon succumbed to her feelings for Lexa. She understood that it was useless to continue to fight them because it was a war she could not win. They had finally let go, they had allowed each other, and Clarke had finally managed to get lost in that look of the color of the forest without being afraid of drowning into it. Lexa told her she loved her, and she kept quiet. She had done it not because she did not reciprocate the feeling, but because she hadn't expected it. Many times she had thought of opening up to Lexa about how she felt about her, but she had always felt incredibly in awe. Now she was looking at Lexa lying on the bed, unconscious. She did not know if she would have survived, and the thought that she could die without her telling her that she too loved her was slowly consuming her.
Abby walked away from Lexa's body and sighed.
-"I stopped the bleeding, but the wound is severe. I did what I could, but now it's up to her."
Clarke approached, fighting the tears that threatened to come out at any moment. She swallowed trying to send away the knot that tightened her throat.
-"Mom, you have to promise me that you won't let her die..."
Her mother smiled at her sweetly.
- "I will do everything in my power Clarke, I promise you. But I can't promise you that she will survive. As I said, it all depends on her. If she makes it through the night, she may have a chance."
Clarke tried to stabilize her breath as the panic grew inside her. She knelt beside the bed and took Lexa's hand in hers.
-"Lexa's strong. She's a warrior, she'll make it. She must make it."
Abby walked up and gently stroked her hair.
-"You can stay alone with her if you want. I'll wait out here, if you need me just call me."
She left the room followed by everyone else. Clarke sat on the bed next to Lexa and stroked her hair.
-"Don't try to leave me, Lexa. I need you. I love you, too."
Lexa's breathing got quicker, and the girl opened her eyes weakly.
-"Clarke..."
Clarke burst into tears and smiled at her.
-"Lexa! Don't worry, don't say anything. You need to rest. Don't move, I won't let you die, understand?"
Lexa contracted her face in a grimace of pain.
-"Clarke..."
She suddenly closed her eyes and turned her head to the side. She had stopped breathing. Clarke felt her neck with two fingers and felt herself dying. Lexa's heart wasn't beating anymore.
-"No! Oh, no, no! Lexa!"
She quickly stood up and began to perform a desperate heart massage.
-"Lexa, don't try to die! I need you!"
The compressions on Lexa's chest were getting stronger as Clarke, in tears, was trying to revive her. Her mother rushed into the room and ran towards her.
-"Clarke, what's going on?"
-"Her heart stopped beating! She was awake, but then..."
Abby rushed to Lexa's body and replaced her daughter in performing CPR. Clarke fell to her knees, the sobbing barely allowed her to breathe.
-"Mom, you have to save her, you understand? Don't let her die!"
Her mother continued the compressions for a few minutes, then left Lexa's body, destroyed.
-"Clarke, I...I think there's nothing more we can do for her."
Clarke stood up and pushed her mother aside.
-"No! I won't let her die! Lexa, do you hear me? Don't try to die! I need you!"
She went on compressing Lexa's chest with force without stopping to cry. Every second that passed seemed an hour. She was about to give in to despair when Lexa revived with a strangled sigh.
-"Lexa!"
Clarke threw her arms around Lexa's neck, who was slowly catching her breath.
-"You're alive, you're here..."
-"Lexa opened her eyes and gave her a weak smile.
-"I'm here. And I have no intention of leaving you, Clarke."
Abby breathed a sigh of relief and buried her face in her hands.
- "You did it, Clarke."
Clarke smiled at her mother without ceasing to cry.
-"I couldn't let her go, Mom...I love her."
Abby approached her daughter and hugged her.
-"I know, Clarke, I know."
She held her tightly, then loosened the hug and looked her daughter in the eyes.
-"You were right, Clarke. She's strong. She will make it."
Abby approached Lexa to measure her vitals.
-"She's stable. I think she'll make it through the night. She should be out of danger now."
Clarke smiled, her eyes still wet with tears.
-"You can leave us alone, Mom. I'll take care of her. Clarke was left alone with Lexa in the room lit by the faint candle light. She sat on the bed and smiled at Lexa.
- "You scared the shit out of me, you know?"
Lexa took Clarke's hands in her own.
- "I'm sorry, Clarke."
-"You don't have to apologize for having almost died, Lexa."
Lexa smiled faintly. Then she looked into Clarke's eyes.
-"Before you said..."
Clarke held Lexa's hands tight.
-"I said that I love you."
Lexa's pale face turned slightly pink, and her lips bent over in a smile.
-"Did you really mean that? Didn't you just say that because you were afraid of losing me?"
Clarke was heartbroken to hear those words. Did she really not believe she was reciprocated?
-"Of course I meant it, Lexa. Why are you asking me this?"
Lexa smiled and squinted her eyes.
-"I'm so happy, Clarke. I thought you'd hate me forever."
Clarke looked into her eyes.
-"How could I ever hate you, Lexa? For a moment I thought I'd lost you, and at that moment I thought I'd die too."
A tear slipped down Lexa's cheek.
- "After Mount Weather I... I thought I would never see you again. And if we ever met again, you would hate me."
Clarke approached Lexa's face and kissed her forehead.
-"I don't hate you, Lexa. I could never. You're...you're very important to me."
Lexa smiled and closed her eyes.
-"I was wrong about you, Clarke."
-"What about?"
Lexa looked into her eyes.
-"You are not my weakness, but my strength. I struggled to survive because I couldn't bear the idea of never seeing your face again, of never looking you in the eye again. You are my strength, Clarke."