Old Money || Shawmila [Completed]

7. A ride home

The feel of the leather seat she was sitting on was new and familiar at the same time. Camila remembered all too well when, on that same spot, she used to watch the Silicon Valley traffic quickly flowing alongside her, while her hand was squeezed in Shawn's larger and warmer one. Now her fingers were clenched in two tight, trembling fists resting on her thighs, and the noise of New York traffic was the only sound that filled the limited space inside the car.

She didn't know how Shawn managed to stumble upon her in such a big city, nor did she have any idea why he was helping her. And more than anything else, she doubted his intentions. If he hated her so much, then why was he bothering to give her a ride home? But that had been a long day for Camila, and she didn't have the energy to analyze Shawn's every move.

The oppressive silence inside the car was interrupted by Shawn's deep voice. «I have no idea where your place is».

«It doesn't matter, you can leave me at the nearest metro station».

An irritated groan left his mouth. «Not an option. It isn't safe to travel alone at this time of the evening».

«Honestly, Shawn, it shouldn't matter to you. Besides, it's not like I've never done it before».

Camila saw him tighten his grip on the steering wheel, his knuckles white and the muscles of his arms straining under his coat. «Why do you always have to be so stubborn?»

She shrugged. «I don't want to owe you anything. I prefer our relationship to be strictly business related».

«Well, I don't care» he blurted out. «Maybe you're not one of my most favorite people, and I might be an asshole, but I'm not an idiot. I won't let you walk alone at night, so suck it up and tell me where you live». He glanced expectedly toward Camila, but when she didn't budge, he snapped. «Fine, I'll take you to my place».

«Oh, for god's sake! Okay, I'll tell you where to go, just stop being so annoying» she complained.

The car ride was mostly silent, with the exception of Camila's driving directions. But as they approached her house, her curiosity got the best of her. «Earlier, how did you find me? Were you following me?». Shawn had never been a creepy guy, but lately she hardly recognized the charming man she once had met, so she wasn't ready to forget about that possibility yet.

He scoffed. «Really? Are you that full of yourself to think that I would spend even a minute of my time to know what you've been up to?». He chuckled darkly, disdain clearly sounding in that noise. «No, hon, I wasn't following you. It was just an unfortunate coincidence».

The way he was talking to her made her want to cry and scream to his face. «You know, you don't have to be a dick 24/7. I didn't ask for your help, so if you're planning on dumping more shit on me, you can pull over and let me go. I'm in no mood to hear you spitting out insults about me». She couldn't really read his face, but she guessed by his quietness that she had put him back in his place.

«Anyway, what happened to you?» he asked her after a few quiet moments, which almost startled Camila. She could swear she saw a glimpse of honest concern on his face, and that reignite the dying flame of hope she had tried so hard to suppress. She didn't want to gamble with her feelings for the umpteenth time, but it was a hard task to do when the love of her life looked at her like that.

«I just walked out the hospital» she cut it short, mumbling her words while playing with her fingers on her lap.

«The hospital? Are you hurt?» Shawn fidgeted on his seat, trying to disguise his apprehension but doing a poor job.

«No, nothing like that. It's my father... he had a stroke and now we're just waiting for something to happen. I'm not sure if it's his death or a miraculous recovery». Camila knew she hadn't started crying yet because she had simply run out of tears.

«Shit, Camila, I'm sorry» and his words were genuine. Not really knowing how to respond and wanting that depressing conversation to end, she turned her face to the window and leaned her head on her seat-back. Traffic lights passed by way too fast, and before she knew it, Shawn parked his car outside her building. The most obvious and logical thing to do was for her to thank him and get out of his car, but she had the feeling there was still something else to be said.

Apparently, she was right. With his eyes straight ahead, Shawn asked her something she wasn't expecting. «Do you ever wonder how we'd be if things hadn't gone downhill? Would we be happy?»

How was she even supposed to answer to that question? Of course, she thought about that, how couldn't she? But she wasn't sure that was the answer he was expecting to hear. After all, Camila was the one who did all the damage. «Does it even matter? There are too much "what if", Shawn. And honestly, it hurts too damn much to think about what we could have had».

«It's been more than two years, and I still can't stop asking myself if I could have prevented it. I mean, I must have been at least partially to blame - ». Camila laid her hand on top of his, stopping his rambling.

«Don't torture yourself like that, it's no good. We both know I'm the one to blame, I'm the one who played you. And I'm honest when I say I really loved you. I'm just sorry that that love wasn't enough to make me change my mind».

Shawn gripped his hair, frustrated. Camila admired the luscious curls on top of his head. She missed the feeling of it between her fingers, when he used to lay his head on her chest and wrap his arms around her. They had so many nice memories, yet every each one of them were tainted with the shadow of her mistake. She had been such a fool!

«You know» he started, a painful expression on his face. «Sometimes I miss us. I know I shouldn't, but you came into my life and turned it upside down. How am I supposed to forget it?».

That talk was taking a dangerous and maybe painful turn, and Camila was too much of a coward to stay inside his car. «I should go».

Before she could open the car door, she felt Shawn's hand on her arm. On his face every trace of anger was long gone, replaced by a tentative semblance of hope. «I don't want you to walk alone at night. Let me help, let me give you a ride whenever you need it».

«Shawn, I can't...»

«I'm down there almost every day, it's no trouble at all». Sensing her hesitance, he was quick to add: «Look, it's not like I'm selfless or I want to help you. Actually, you would do it for me. If I'd let you wander these streets alone at night, you'd always be in my mind, and honestly I'd rather think about something else. See? It's all about my self-interest».

Camila wasn't so sure about it but gave up instantly all the same. «All right, I'll call you. Thank you, Shawn» then left him inside his car. Her heart run a little bit faster than usual, and she could already feel the rising hope invading and filling her chest like a wave. She didn't know that the man she was in love with was feeling just the same, even if he would have never admitted it.