Old Money || Shawmila [Completed]

12. Forever is a long time

Camila saw him walking towards her with determined strides almost from a block away. He was so tall that one had to be blind not to notice his massive frame. A black coat and a wool scarf wrapped him, and he could have mingled with the crowd of strangers that surrounded him if he hadn't been incredibly handsome. When he finally reached her, Shawn puffed out a cloud of white breath. «If I catch a cold, I'm gonna sue you».

«Why is that you never greet me? We haven't seen each other for a week and you couldn't even say "hi"?»

Shawn seemed taken aback from her statement. «Well, you're right. That's not very polite of me, is it?»

«It definitely isn't» she remarked, trying to suppress a chuckle.

He run a hand through his styled curls. «It's good that someone remind me of these good manners. You know, all the work-frenzy honestly erased most of my charming side».

«It's a good thing that I'm here then». Maybe Camila was being way flirtier than she had initially intended, but sometimes it was hard to let go of their old banters. «Jokes aside, how have you been?»

«Nothing new happened. But that's not the same for you... you look oddly giddy»

«Honestly, today has been a good day». While they walked along the streets of NY, Camila told him about her recent news. Shawn listened to her intently, laying his gaze on her figure permanently, not once getting distracted by his surroundings. At times, Camila felt almost intimidated. It had been years since someone really listened to her, but a part of her couldn't stop thinking that, in a way, he was also studying her.

Strolling mindlessly, the pair ultimately reached the most famous gardens of the Big Apple. «I bet you have never been here» she said with a knowing, challenging smirk.

Shawn rolled his eyes, but it was clear that he was amused. «Sometimes I forgot that you actually know me... That's right, I've never been here before. Now you can make fun of me».

«I'm not gonna do that». Camila had the impulse to take his big hand in hers and pull him with her. Fortunately, her body was slower that her mind, so she was actually able to stop herself from embarrassing herself. To try and shift her focus on something else that wasn't Shawn's appeal, Camila roamed her eyes over the landscape around her. The autumn leaves had covered the dying grass of the park, and now they laid there, decaying on the ground while losing all their colors.

«You seem so mesmerized by all of this» Shawn stated, nodding toward their surroundings. His voice was soft and it reminded Camila of those times, two years earlier, when he used to spend his hours just admiring her, tracing her contours and simply worshipping her every move. In times like these, she wondered if he still had some kind of feelings for her, if he still loved her even a tiny bit.

She pushed aside those heavy thoughts, casually shrugging her shoulders. «I've always liked this place, so no matter the season, I'm always entranced by its beauty».

«Did you missed it when you were in California?»

«At the beginning I didn't mind being away from home, but after how things went down between us... I felt like I didn't belong to that place. Thinking of NY gave me some kind of strength, I can't explain why».

Camila noticed that, when she hinted to their breakup, Shawn stiffened. His jaw clenched, his eyes hardened, and his muscles went rigid. She understood. That period had been a though one even for her... she couldn't even imagine how Shawn had felt. But surprisingly, after methodically running a hand through his curls, he relaxed. He lowered his sight on her, his eyes unreadable. «Why did you stay there for so long then? I mean, I get that your aunt offered you the chance of a lifetime, but if you were so miserable, why just don't go back home?».

Camila felt weird. She knew the answer to that question, but at the same time she wasn't sure it was the real reason. In a fragment of time, she silently debated what she should have said. «I'm not sure you really want to know it».

As if he had read her mind, Shawn sighed and Camila could almost see the heavy weight pressed on his chest. «I'm not saying I want to talk about what happened, but I admit I can't keep going on like that part of our past doesn't exist. So, I think I can handle your answer, Camila». He spoke calmly and with honesty, and she wasn't afraid of speaking her truth any longer.

«I think, unconsciously, I stayed there for you. Sure, my career had a great impact on my decision, but I also couldn't leave the only place that could have helped me find my way back to you. I know, it sounds pathetic - ».

«No, it doesn't» he cut her off.  A pained grunt left his lips, almost if he didn't want to say those next words, but he couldn't hold them in. «Lately I've been thinking, dwelling actually, and I've come to one indisputable conclusion. I don't think you lied about everything. Since we met again, I've observed you whenever we were together, and you wouldn't be so miserable if you actually weren't in love with me. Now I'm pretty sure that's the only honest feeling I've ever received from your part»

«Shawn - ». He held his hand up to shut her up.

«You wouldn't be here talking to me if you never cared about me. Dammit, you wouldn't have forgiven me after how I behaved in your office not so long ago, if you hadn't some kind of affection in my regards». He stopped talking for a couple of seconds, but to Camila they seemed an eternity. «I can accept that» he stated. «I can accept your love for me, but I'm not ready to forget that you purposely hurt me despite that. Maybe you still love me... or maybe not. You don't have to tell me. The fact is that you were so cruel to me, so heartless, that I could never let my walls down again for anyone else».

The lump in her throat kept getting bigger and bigger, and she was sure that sooner or later she would have burst down in tears. He had every right to feel that way, she wasn't so naïve to think that a couple of hours spent together as friends would have erased her past mistakes. Still, it was hard to face the stark truth. His cold palm cupped her face, and his rough thumb brush away the menacing tear that was about to run down her cheek. «Don't cry» he whispered sweetly. «I'm not saying this to hurt you».

«You don't have to worry about my feelings, Shawn» she replied while her face was still trapped in his hand. «I know what I had and what I lost forever».

«Forever is a long time, though».

Maybe it was the freezing temperature that was quickly dropping, or maybe it was that last statement, but a chill run down her spine, making her shiver. 

«You're cold» he stated. «My place isn't that far from here. I'm taking you there for a nice, warm dinner, all right?». Not waiting for a reply, he tugged her along the street, one of his big hands on the small of her back.