The Lullaby Nights

♥ 28

NEIL

Nina Cloud died on the 25th of December at 1:15pm. When I walked into the room, her family and friends were gathered around her bed. Harley lay next to her, cuddling her body, crying his eyes out. The howling was so mighty and powerful that it could have broken the coldest of hearts. It'd definitely broken mine.

He loved her. He loved her like I'd never seen anyone love before.

I let him cry. There was no rush. Her parents, Harley's brother and the girl, who I'd been informed was Nina's best friend, said their last goodbyes. They all cried, but none of them as sorrowfully as Harley. When he was finally ready to let go of her body, he kissed her forehead and cheek, and said something I had no idea what it might've meant, but it was a promise. 'I will, baby. I promise that I will.' I never questioned that statement, and neither did anyone else.

It was the first time I attended any of my patients' funeral. It was a very difficult and emotional day. The cosmetologists did an outstanding job. Nina looked really pretty, almost as healthy and full of life as she did on the day I met her. She had her wig on and was clad in a blue dress, as delicate and beautiful as the colour of her eyes. I remembered studying the ring on her finger that I hadn't seen before, apart from the day we unplugged all the devices she'd been hooked up to.

He really did propose, even though he'd promised himself he wouldn't do it in the hospital. Gina sobbed greatly when she told me about the ring.

The ceremony took longer than it normally did, but that was because everyone wanted to say something about Nina. Everyone had some memories to share, which alternately made us laugh and cry. Myself, I only said that being an oncologist wasn't an easy job, but getting to meet some astonishingly wonderful people, people like Nina Cloud, made it worth all the effort and pain the job could bring.

The last person who spoke up was Harley. He traversed the distance from the first row to the microphone like a zombie. His slumped posture seemed peculiarly small in the chapel. The only time he actually sat down instead of standing by the coffin, was when he started feeling faint, and that occurred quite often during the funeral. He couldn't believe she was gone. He didn't want to believe it, and I saw no reason to blame him for his denial.

It took him a while to finally say something. Even from afar, I could see his eyes constantly spilling more and more tears. He struggled a lot with the speech, mainly because his voice kept on breaking, but he managed to thank everyone for contributing in one of the Lullaby Nights, the meaning of which he first explained. He thanked me and Gina for always looking after his love, and then he thanked her. He thanked Nina for accepting him the way he was, for making each one of his days something magnificent, for making him laugh and loving him, for saving him from that duck, whatever it might've meant, and finally, he thanked her for hitting him with the door, without which, they probably wouldn't have met.

The entire time I watched him speak, all I wanted to do was take away the pain that his voice and expression conveyed. There was one thing, though, that he said, that made me smile at him. 'It's not about saying goodbye. It's about how you do it.'

When everyone dispersed home, Harley was still standing at the cemetery. The coffin rested on the ropes, ready to be lowered into the grave.

I'd promised Nina to take care of him, but her plea mattered no more. I wanted to take care of him not because she needed me to, but because I understood why she wanted me to. Harley deserved it. He was selfless, full of love, courteous, and purely sincere. I decided to reward him for being what I called the pearl among the pigs, and therefore, I gave him my number.

He looked at me, confused, yet said nothing except for a genuine thank you. I pondered for a long minute on whether to do it or not, but eventually, I locked him in my arms. He didn't protest. He embraced me just as tightly and started crying. He said it'd been the worst three days of his life, and that he was scared of the upcoming ones. I told him not to make time his enemy, after all, it was the only thing that would make him feel whole again.

When he was finally ready to let the gravediggers get on with their job, which meant burying Nina in the ground where she would forever rest, I asked him if he wanted to go somewhere else, rather than home.

Home was the worst place to be. Home was where the overthinking happened, where all the memories came back rushing. He must've been well aware of it because he let me take him to a diner. He didn't order any food. He just had a milkshake, on which he sipped in silence.

I sat right opposite to him and didn't dare to interrupt the quietude. At first, I wondered why he had no issue with spending some time with me, but then the conclusion struck me. He didn't want to be around people he knew the best. He needed a stranger, someone who wouldn't constantly ask him if he was alright, yet he desperately needed some company. After all, he was scared of losing Nina not only because he loved her, but also because he feared the loneliness that came with her death.

We sat in silence and watched snowflakes monotonously fall from the sky until the firmament turned dark and we were told the diner was about be closed. I asked Harley if there was anywhere else he wanted me to take him, but he only thanked me for the milkshake and said that it would be great if I could drop him home.

When we arrived in front of his house, he left the car, and said another few words of gratitude, then unexpectedly threw himself in the wads of snow. I hopped out of the vehicle and asked him what he was doing. His eyes were focused on the infinity above him whilst his arms remained spread on the ground. He told me about the night when him and Nina had lain here, caught up in the moment, which had led to their first full exploration of each other's bodies.

A few tears fell from his eyes. He wiped them off and eventually got up from the freezing ground. He then nodded his head at me as another form of saying thank you, and carrying the lovely memory he'd just shared with me, he walked into his house, but this time . . . without Nina.