Kande Beach

Hold

Nishaan's POV:

The first day of the exchange program went just fine.

I was sweating from inside, my brain was eating me alive because I had never been left alone. Being alone scared the shit out me. But the thing I didn't realize was, how my family had such an impact on wherever I go. I miss them having around. I was missing Martha - My maid's daughter. We used to hung out in night when I couldn't sleep. She always studied in night so sometime I'd help her in her college studies. She didn't ask any questions but just stayed with me and I liked that. I miss having servants around me. I signed.

Everyone was trying to give me extra attention and trying to impress me including my professors because of my status as always. I was used to this extra attention and honestly I wasn't even tired of it. But part of me thought it'd be different. People might not know me. People might treat me normally. That experience - I always longed for my entire life. I knew I was touching the sky but what if I didn't want to touch it? what if i want to just stay on the ground and roll on it? I'm not complaining because my privilege had always made me feel nice and vulnerable and look at me. I won't survive on ground. I did enjoy/like attention and I still crave it but I do want to explore the other way. A way different from my life where I get attention from someone I admire rather than having useless attention from all the direction.

The so called Noah Kennedy kept talking about how he and I, was going to become a campus couple and how I'd have so much fun with him. From what I knew, he was smart, rich and funny but a teenager. I strongly believe in "boys take tine to mature". I'd rather be with older people.

Noah was like any other guy I had dated. Trying to be superior, controlling, showing off their riches as they try to be modest with their perfectly whitened teeth. Then I met Hezal. She was from turkey and she was a scholarship student but while I was sitting alone she dared to sit next me while no one even try to come near me. except Noah but even he didn't want to sit next to me and then I knew she was the person I was going to spent my next six months.

The whole time I just sat there, chewing gum while staring at her - giving answers and asking questions to professors and she really impressed me. She wore a pink kurta with a black jeans which looked so good on her. He had thick black framed glasses which looked cute on her chubby face. She had a cute nose ring and she was smart as hell. Her dirty blond long hair made her look more beautiful. She didn't wore any make up other than a perfect cat eye lines. I love it when girls eyeliners are on point.

Hello! It's an achievement in it oneself. but she wore cheap clothes which I assume were from Walmart. She didn't give a fudge when she sat next to me. She just treated me like a normal person and maybe that was because she didn't know who I was. We both didn't interact much but I actually wanted to be her friend.

I was missing Yasmin badly. This whole Seattle thing was totally out of my comfort-zone. Professor Cullen explained the structure of the program and all. He was nice but I didn't like his dressing style, not that I care. He was going to teach comparative politics. I got introduced to other professors. I decided to skip the lunch and just sat there beside Hezal, watching her writing some fanfiction. I was hungry, beyond hungry but I didn't dare to eat. I always get conscious whenever I eat. I'd feel like everyone staring at me while I eat and I do tend to spoil a lot when I eat. Yeah so I was a messy eater so what? I never liked eating in public so I'd rather not eat at home comfortably watching tv.

Noah did offer me his meal. He was being nice to me and kept asking me if why was I not eating. How would I explain that I get so conscious and uncomfortable and because of this people think I don't eat and I starve myself. plus they get to compliment I'm skinny and all. I wish I could tell them that I do eat, I just don't fucking gain weight. He then brought me diet cola but I clearly declined it.

I wasn't attracted to Noah at all. Yeah, he was handsome. I had been with many boys, not physically but we dated and kissed but I was never attracted to any of them and how would I go to next level when I cant even like them. Plus with the sassy attitude like mine they don't even last a month. Now I was starting to feel that there was some problem with me. I didn't like girls either, then what was the problem?

But I did have an intention of playing with him so I could survive this next few months. A little bit of flirting and little bit of being scandalous.

Two days had been passed like it was nothing. I felt like I was in 90s era. I pretended I was Lily Rose Depp and dressed like an e-girl. My did still hadn't call to ask how was I nor did my mom.

Maybe they're busy or doesn't want to disturb you. I consoled myself.

Sometimes I wished I had strict parent. I always get jealous when my girlfriends talk how their parent wont let them do this or that or how they have to ask them first.

Brushing off this negative feeling, I put my earplugs in and started playing my 'When feeling nostalgic' playlist. Hold by Dabin ft. Daniela Andrade started playing first and I didn't bother to change it. I slipped into my H&M Beige Platform boots. I was already wearing a cute plain purple crop top and a black trousers and I went for a strolling to the same park. I sat on the same bench and suddenly I remembered the smoking and I was craving it again. I knew I shouldn't be but I wanted to do something to divert my sorrow. I bought myself a small box of cigarettes. I titled the box a little and caressed the part written in small letter 'smoking is injurious to health'. I just ignored it and asked for a lighter from the same shop. I even asked for lighter to be in pink color and he just laughed and gave me a purple one.

He said: "Purple is your color darling!"

"Thanks I guess?" I awkwardly replied.