Burn Out *18+*

Chapter 5

My mind was still whirling with astrophysics when I saw sitting on a little shop stool, picking at my neutral-coloured nail polish. The transition from classroom to mechanic shop did nothing to slow my brain. At least, my mind was working to try and convince me that my finals were still important, even when I was going to be acting as security at a royal wedding for one of Canada's top agents. In the back of my head, I knew the dilemma. I was going to school to become an agent, taking every course I could gobble up at my mother's expense. So how was I supposed to pick a priority between a chance right this minute and setting myself up further down the line?

Still, I knew what I wanted. And while other agents took longer, more winding paths to get to their career, us Kingsleys were notorious for being the youngest in the game.

If I really wanted to make my mother proud, I was going to take the opportunity I had right in front of me and seize it.

"You're thinking way too hard over there," Dexter announced as he rolled out from underneath a car that he could never afford.

"Does it ever bother you that you have to work on cars that you will never drive?" I wondered, acting like I hadn't been on the verge of chewing my nails off.

"I've never cared about flash," he said, wiping his greasy hands on his coveralls as he stood. "I think it is much better to drive a sleeper. Looks slow as hell, but is way over powered. That's why I drive a van with a corvette engine. Besides, being able to fix your own stuff on the cheap means that you can drive the car like its meant be."

"Like that guy who cut us off right after he flipped us off? He was driving that truck like he stole it," I muttered.

Dex smiled with one corner of his mouth, fiddling in his tool box. "I comfort myself knowing that anyone who drives like an asshole will never be happy in life. If you can put others in danger regularly and be unbothered by it, or worse, do it to make yourself feel big, you're too shitty of a person to know how to have a healthy relationship or understand that the world isn't terrible, you are."

I snorted, only half aware that I had started picking at my nails again. "You really think that you can tell that much about a person just from how they drive?"

"Of course. A reckless driver is a selfish person. They don't care about the safety of others, which is pretty much as low as the bar will go."

"You race cars in your down time. Isn't that all about being aggressive and unsafe?" I pointed out.

"Racing is an art and that sport is born out of nothing but respect for the road, the other drivers, and our cars."

"You beat the shit out of your cars."

"Just to take care of them all over again."

I was tempted to roll my eyes, but my gaze swept over him. Talking about cars and racing, his eyes were alight and the smile revealing the glow of his white teeth, I almost felt like I was stunned. Had his jaw line always been that sharp? Had those eyes always been that warm and welcoming when he spoke about his passions?

Something sticky and sweet filled my chest.

I had known that Dexter was attractive all my life. Since I had known him, he had always had some level of attraction to him. In our younger years, he was cute with his long hair and chubby cheeks. As he grew older, it was no surprise that he had had a constant string of girlfriends up until recently. When he was in college, studying for his computer science degree, that cuteness had turned into pure handsomeness when his face became more angular and his body a little leaner. And now that he was working on cars full time, his muscles had come in.

But he was just a friend. He had always been there, a comforting shadow in the background. The love I had for him was pure and kind. Nothing more. Besides, he wasn't the type for me anyway. He was impulsive and sporadic. I didn't know anyone else who could throw away a whole degree just because he wanted to tinker in a garage.

"How is your dad doing?" I blurted, changing the subject.

"Dad's good," Dexter said, not missing a beat as he began removing the car's tires that probably cost as much as a two-week vacation for most people.

"And your brother?" I pressed.

There was a second of hesitation then. After Dex's mother was killed by a distracted driver, Calvin had fallen off the rails. Not to say that Dexter hadn't suffered, because he certainly had, but Calvin had started a downward spiral that hadn't stopped.

Dexter shook his head. "Fine."

"Really?"

"I mean, we don't really talk that much anymore."

"Does that bother you?"

"What is this, an interrogation?" Dexter said, but his normal smile was back. "You know how it's been. He calls me for money every now and then and it's enough for me to know that he's alive."

The agent part of me wanted to keep pushing. I hated having unresolved problems in my mind and the last time I had seen Calvin, he had been in a heated argument with his father, his eyes had been sunken, he had been twitchy and aggressive. I wanted to know if he had gotten better or worse, and if he had gotten worse, why hadn't Dexter just cut him out? It seemed like the reasonable thing to do. Besides, since it was after hours, the shop was dead. No one would overhear, this was the perfect time to grill him.

"You're picking at your nails again," Dexter piped up.

As he torqued the new tires, I had a few seconds to think about my response. "I'm worried about what Jasper expect of me at his wedding."

"He didn't break it all down for you?"

"No. he mostly showed up to tell me that I was ill-prepared and left."

"He's kind of a pitbull, hey?"

"He's an asshole."

"Then don't do it. If it's not going to make you happy, then keep going to college."

But that was the difference between us, the reason why we could never be more than friends. I needed structure and organization in my life. He had decided he didn't like his education, didn't want to sit behind a desk, so he changed it. But even so, he was still farther ahead in his career than I was. After six years of constant education, I had nothing to show for it.

"I have to try," I insisted.

Dex shrugged his shoulders. "If that's what you feel is right." When his fingers moved to the zipper on the front of his coveralls, my eyes followed. I felt my heart leap in my chest while my mind wondered if I would see a flash of bare skin. But it was only a tee shirt beneath and my mind snapped out of my trance. Apparently missing one night of sex was enough to derail me. "Come on, I had some tuning done on the BRZ, I want to show you."

At least my lustful thoughts would be on hold while I feared for my life in the passenger seat of his over powered car ripping around the track.

***Question of the day****
What is something that scared the crap out of you but you did anyway?