Burn Out *18+*

Chapter 17

Jasper took me back to my bedroom. The cousin that had seemed more like a villain for the past few years was now something closer to an angel. He was steady, keeping one hand on my back as he walked me through the palace. When he got to my room, he told me to take a shower and I was so numb that I didn't have it in me to argue or point out that I hadn't even worked up a sweat.

Once he was gone, I pulled of my clothes and made a point of not looking at myself in the mirror. The tears had dried up for now, but I knew it wouldn't take much to bring them back. Seeing the reality of what I had done to myself so starkly was a punch to the gut and I was baffled y the fact that I hadn't noticed until someone pointed it out for me. Even so, when I shampooed my hair, dozens of strands were tangled in my hands and the sobs started up all over again. How was I supposed to save my mother if I was failing myself?

I climbed out of the shower a short while later and managed to get myself into old grey sweatpants that were covered in pilling and a stained sweater before there was a knock on the door.

Zara squeezed in, balancing a tray on her right palm as she came in. "How are you doing?" she asked as she seated herself near the fireplace. I only rose off the bed when she gestured for me to sit beside her. If I had any normalcy in that moment, I would have been embarrassed to be seen by her like this when she was her usual perfection.

"I'm assuming Jasper already filled you in on my monumental break down," I grumbled. I collapsed on the armchair without much fanfare.

"To be entirely honest, we all kind of saw it coming. But you held on for way too long. We were getting really worried about you." She poured liquid into two cups. "Now, my favorite thing to do when I'm upset around the holiday season is to put eggnog in my chia tea and drink up until my belly hurts."

"I don't think that's going to help."

"Do you have any other ideas?"

"No."

"Well, then this is how we start."

I felt awkward and uncomfortable with my red face and running nose, but Zara was an example of poise and confidence. I had to admit that the chia tea and eggnog combination was decent, but it certainly didn't make my heart hurt any less or dilute the embarrassment by any measure.

"We have a therapist on staff if you would like someone to talk to," she said into her mug.

"I just want answers. I just want my mom back," I said flatly.

"The offer stands and I know that Jasper has a good psychologist in Canada if you change your mind when you get home. But, if you don't want to talk about that, I wouldn't mind your help with my outfit for the ball."

Finally, a real distraction that could occupy my mind. "Sure, what are you thinking?"

"Well, I originally wanted a dress, but now I'm thinking something a little more controversial, maybe something with a little bit of masculine influence."

Now she had my attention. "I thought this was for a Christmas event."

"It is and I have to introduce a guest of honor. Do you think it's too much? I don't know if we even have time to make something from scratch between now and the event. Or do you think it's not going to be festive enough? The last thing I want is to end up like that Starbuck's cup and get bashed for ignoring Christmas."

Oh, this was going to be one hell of a challenge.

"Do you have a pen and some paper. I have some ideas."

It was a whirlwind to get the tuxedo ready for Zara. She told me over and over again that she could just buy a dress, that it was no big deal. And she did buy a dress as back up when I told her I wasn't sure if I could finish the tux in time. I didn't have enough time to make her outfit from scratch, but I found a store that sold men's wear and happened to have something similar to what we wanted. A few measurements here and then and I was able to get it fitted to perfection before adding silk and lace accents. I worked until my eyes watered and my fingers ached. I ate amazing food with the whole family for every meal and carved out time to work out with Jasper and have afternoon tea with Zara, but it still felt like I barely left the crafting room.

It was the night before the gala, after Zara and I had gone over final touches, that Jasper decided to ruin what little flow I had created in my life.

"Zara said you're doing really good with creating her outfit," Jasper rumbled from the head of the table.

I glanced up from my lamb lollipops, my skin prickling when I saw both the queen and my cousin watching me. "Uh, yeah, I think it's coming along nicely. One or two adjustments when we're done here and it'll be ready."

"You are also doing really well," he pressed. "Even in the short amount of time you've been here, you have started eating regularly, keeping a reasonable workout schedule, and managing a fair time line on your task."

"I like being busy."

"You like having a purpose."

"Yeah, we already know that."

Jasper set down his utensils, clasping his fingers together. "You need a distraction. You need something to keep your brain busy, something that is going to take you away from thinking about your mother all the time."

I perked up immediately.

"I've gotten you an assignment and it starts tonight," he announced finally.

My heart's reaction was to squeeze with joy. My brain's first reaction was to back pedal. And, as always, my mind won out. "Alistair said he barred me from any assignments."

"Lucky for you, I have seniority over Alistair. Besides, leaving you to your own devices is clearly not the answer. I had a little blip come up and I don't think it's worth having a whole team investigate, but there is definitely something shady going on. You are going to have the best advantage."

"Great," I sputtered out, hardly believing my ears. "Thank you so much." I couldn't believe my luck. This was incredible. I would be making money, wiggling my way into the industry. And maybe, just maybe, I would be able to figure something out that would help my mom.

"Perfect. Your assignment starts tomorrow at the gala. Dexter is going to be your date."

"What? Why?"

"Well, Dexter is the guest of honor tomorrow when we introduce him as our first rally car driver. And he also happens to be your assignment."

~~~Question of the Day~~~

Would you consider yourself a serious person?