Burn Out *18+*

Chapter 15

The numbness that I had been feeling for weeks crept up to an awful head on a seemingly normal Thursday night two weeks later. Christmas was right around the corner. I should have been filled with holiday cheer. I should have been buying a nice bottle of wine for my mother and something practical for my father, something cheesy or comedic for Dexter.

But my mother was still gone. My father was refusing to bring up Christmas at all, like he couldn't bear the thought of having Christmas without my mom around. And Dex . . . Dexter was still not talking to me and I was still telling myself it was for the best. Distance eliminated the risk. I had purpose. I had routine. I had a goal that I needed to achieve, regardless of the consequences.

But I sat at my little desk, feeling so unfeeling that it was unbearable.

Alistair had talked to me about a mind body connection. It seemed that I still could not achieve that. My body was exhausted. I had spent the afternoon practicing my figure skating. It had been years since I had been on the ice, but I decided it was time to go back. Figure skating reminded me of ballet. Stunning to watch. Madness to perform. Balance, precision, timing, strength, sprints, it all had to be done to perfection and with a beaming smile. Even an untrained eye could see a wobble that took away the grace of a performance. I had skated until the Zamboni kicked me out.

My finals were done, schooling wrapped up, but I had weaseled my way into an extra science program. I spent the day studying medications and their affects while other students on campus got so drunk they forgot their own name.

And sitting in my silent apparent, I wished my physical and mental state could be on the same page, or at least in the same book. My muscles and joints ached. Even prepping a cup of tea seemed like too much work. I craved sleep. I needed sleep.

But my mind was restless, repeating all of the drugs that could kill a man in seconds or save a life in minutes. This one was for waking someone up while another was for putting someone to sleep. I wondered what kind of medical cocktail I could mix to knock me out hard for one night, but not knock me out so hard that I didn't wake up the next morning.

I was itching to sew. Well, really, I hated the thought of pushing fabric under a needle. I hated the idea of conjuring up a design that I could be proud of. But it was something that I had loved once. I could see easily recall humming as I created things I would consider art more than clothing, feeling pride when I slipped them on and admired my fine work. I wanted that feeling so badly. Hell, I wanted to feel anything in that moment.

But I could sit there as Inkwell watched on, head cocked to one side as if he didn't understand why I had stopped functioning.

I gave up before I could even start, just to lay in bed for yet another sleepless night.

The next morning, I was greeted with a phone call from an unknown number. Any other day, I would have dismissed it under the assumption that it was probably just another scam. However, the current situation meant that my skin prickled immediately. Could it be someone with information? Had they found her? Were they calling to tell me that she was dead, or worse, that they had given up?

"Hello?" I whispered into the receiver, my heart already thundering away.

"Good morning, London. I hope I'm not calling you too early?" a woman murmured. The voice was perfectly poised and had a slight accent which could only mean that it was Zara on the other end.

I felt my body deflate. My trembling fingers almost dropped my phone into my bowl of cereal. "No, no, of course not, I have been up for hours." Mostly battling off nightmares that refused to die even in the daylight, but she didn't need to know that.

"Good! Listen, I know that you must be dreadfully busy but I have a favor to ask."

The last time I had done a favor for the royal pair I had left with a hangover and a bad decision under my belt. Not to mention crippling news as well. Still, I said, "Sure, anything for you."

"Perfect, we have a Christmas ball coming up and I need a new dress. After what you did for my wedding dress, I was hoping we could fly you out— "

"Fly me out now? There barely even a week until Christmas. I can't have Christmas without my dad."

"It'll be quick, in and out. Four days at the most. Two days to help make adjustments to the dress I had and pick out a dress for yourself. You attend the Christmas ball with me, then the next morning you hop on the plane! You'll be home with plenty of time for your other Christmas plans."

"Zara, I can help remotely—"

"I have already set a schedule with my pilot. I think you'll love our jet. And if you're worried about the environment, I make sure to offset our carbon footprint via a charity. Don't you worry about a thing! I'll send you the details."

"Zara—"

"Oh, this is going to be grand! I can't wait to see you!"

Then she hung up.

~~~Question of the Day~~~

Do you have any ways of being eco friendly?

I plant a bee garden every year and try to car-pool when possible.