Burn Out *18+*

Chapter 35

My life became a waiting game. The night of the gala, I waited in silence in my bedroom. Though Jasper hadn't alluded to knowing anything or seeing anything suspicious, I still felt this gnawing sense. He knew, he must have known. But I had cleared everything out, I had acted as normal as I could. And if he was tracking me and my computer, he wouldn't think to look right under his nose. Or would he? I felt like I would never know for sure.

Even still, I didn't pull out my laptop until I heard Zara snoring. Every keystroke felt like it jarred my system, alarm bells sounding for all to hear. There was no way Jasper wasn't going to wake up at the sound, but I was being absurd because Jasper had many skills, but super human hearing was not one of them. I logged into the system and pulled up the emails from Sandra. Each one had an audio clip attached.

My stomach rolled when I hit play and all I wanted in that moment was Inkwell curled up in my lap so I could have a little buddy that would make getting through this a little easier. But this was the life I had chosen. I was going to make it through this alone.

My whole body was ridge when I listened to the first clip. I needed to be ready to hear that my mother was dead, that they had disposed of her body, or that she was barely clinging to life. I needed to strain my ears for names of people and places. I had to be ready to hear awful, gruesome details of horrible crimes I couldn't even begin to imagine.

The first recording was two men talking about how lazy the youths were.

I listened to it three times just to be sure my ears weren't failing me. it was literally just two men complaining.

This was what was considered a lead? It didn't seem possible.

I opened the next clips, one earbud in my ear, the other dangling so I could listen for any movement in the apartment. I held a notepad in one hand and a pen in the other. I wrote down everything and anything. But none of it was relevant. Some clips were two minutes. Others were twenty. By the eighth clip, I was beginning to feel like I knew the man on the other end. Axel was a man who loved golf and a bag of good cocaine. He laughed about blow as if it were nothing, and to a man like him, it wouldn't be much. He had two kids who were probably being raised in the lap of luxury due to his drug business, and a bitch wife as he claimed who didn't like that he was having an affair.

It was the stuff of soap operas, but the reality was that there was nothing about my mother in any of those clips. All of my careful notes, all of the minutes spent listening and relistening were for nothing. In fact, at this point, I couldn't even really understand why the government was after him. Yeah, he was bad, but specialized police units could deal with nuts like him. Cocaine pushers were not a concern at this level.

My mother had been gone for months now and this was all they had.

I wanted to bury my face in my pillow and scream. I wanted to cry until my eyes ached and air rattled out of my lungs. I wanted to grab Jasper by the shoulders and throttle him awake because we needed to be doing more. This couldn't be everything. There had to be more.

Unfortunately, I was not the one with the cards in my hands. I had gone behind Jasper's back. I had crossed the line and I was lucky enough to not be caught. If I wanted to stay lucky, I would have to be careful and not show my own hand.

Repressing every bit of frustration and anger, I closed the laptop gently. I had waited this long and trusted the system. I could handle a little while longer because now, when there was information, I was going to do my best to be on the scene.

In the morning, Zara honed in on my foul mood immediately. "Oh no, we have overstayed our welcome," she said, her luggage already packed and her hair pulled up into a clean bun. "You're too sick of us to ever invite us back."

"Don't be ridiculous," I replied, wrapping one arm around her in a half hug. "I just didn't get a very good sleep at night. I am glad you two could come, but I missed having Inkwell curled up beside me. he purrs himself to sleep most nights and I find it comforting." Had lying gotten easier or had I never had a real reason to lie before?

Zara let out a low laugh, the kind that reminded me of old money. "I thought you were going to say that you had a hard time sleeping because of all the attention you got. I'm sure that your phone will be blowing up any day now. That dress was deadly. You should have seen it, Jasper, she was astounding."

"I bet she was." He was hardly paying attention, flicking through his phone with a baseball cap pulled low over his brow.

To be fair, I had already received two emails from attendees, but now I couldn't recall the giddy feeling in my belly that had made me give out my personal info. "I'm glad you liked the dress. You looked marvelous and I'm really happy you took the plunge with your own gown."

Her cheeks reddened. "Do you think it was a good call?"

"I think it was a great call."

My cousin gave out a sigh, one that sounded too close to disappointment. My chest tightened. He had found it. He had uncovered the email I had sent somehow. But all he said was, "We have a flight to catch, my love. And London clearly wants to pick up her cat and have a nap. You're worn her out with all of your enthusiasm."

"Right, right, of course. I'm dying to get home to Dallas. Do you think he was okay alone?"

"I think that kid's dream is being unsupervised in that palace." Jasper stunned me by taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around me in a hug that could only be described as bearlike. The air rushed out of my lungs at the contact and I resisted the urge to stare up at him in shock. "Listen Alligator, I know that you don't have Dexter anymore, but just remember that things haven't changed. You need to take care of yourself. Let the team do their job and I promise that I will let you know as soon as I see anything."

The grin on my mouth felt like it had broken through my lips. "I trust you, Jasper."

It was a lie. Because everything had changed.

~~~Question of the Day~~~

What habit do you have now that you wish you started earlier?

For me, it's going for daily walks. It's been great for my mental health and has great physical benefits as well. I wish I had started in high school to help keep my mind a little calmer through those years!