Things I can't say out loud.

The Encourager.

"There are two types of people in the world"

We've all heard that before haven't we? I beg to differ. I don't see why people need to be categorised as good or bad, optimist or pessimist, shallow or modest etc.

You don't know the inside story.

A person could be self obsessed on the outside but insecure on the inside. And that is something you may never know unless in some maniacal world they will tell you about their insecurities. The thing about people is, that we are just people. We are not good. We are not bad. Yes, we can be judged based upon the decisions we make but that can't put us in different sects such as good or evil.

It is why I believe that a person should be positive. We all become cynical at one point in our lives and think that the world is full of hatred and pain. I assure you it isnt. You've been hanging out with the wrong people.

I base my friendships on a number of things. Is this person bringing a positive change in my life? Is this person making me feel better about myself? Is this person ready to do things I want to do and support me? Are we astrologically compatible? (Don't judge me, I have strong belief in Zodiacs) If no, I eventually break the friendship off.

A friend is supposed to be someone who tells you that you can conquer the world. If a friend makes you doubt who you are, immediately look for someone who does. For me, I'm an extremely independent person. Doesn't mean I don't need encouragement once in a while. I know I'm decent looking and I know I'm capable of getting good grades and can handle myself in problematic situations. I'm not conceited but I'm content with who I am. My friends know that. And yet I never get told I'm pretty, or smart, or amazing. I have to manipulate to get an answer out of them. It is always me who tells them. It's me who makes giving compliments and assurances easy.

It's odd that people who are not close to me tell me my capabilities rather than my closest friends. I know my elder sister tells me things that boost my ego. But when two people are friends, both self esteems should sky rocket, not only one's.

I'm skinny or thin or whatever you call it. I am about 90 pounds or so but I have a butt and chest that I'm happy with. Till my friend started tell me I'm flat and have chicken legs. Now I'm not the insecure type and usually I don't let opinions ever get to me. But recently I've started feeling so angry with myself because I can't gain weight. I know I'm being hypocritical because when my friend asks me if she's fat and not attractive, I tell that she's absolutely flawless and beautiful. Because to me she is. But I get told I'm too thin or too skinny or whatever bull shit I'm supposed to hear. It doesn't help my family members pick on me, but my friends too??? I tell people to be happy with who they are but once you hear something so much, it hurts. I don't want to tell anyone it affects me (right use of affect or effect?) but I have a bigger ego than Beyoncé (less than Kanye) and I don't like my flaws being pointed out. There's constructive criticism and then there's straight out bashing and pointing of flaws. Maybe I should get off my high horse but who wants to?

This is why I do my best to be the encourager. The one that supports you no matter what. The one that tells you that you are capable of ruling the world. The one that will always give my all to make you feel secure and happy. Because that's what friends do. I'm not saying I don't have supportive friends, it's just I always get indirect answers and never proper assurances. I am human, a little compliment here and there wouldn't hurt.

Tell me if you feel the same way, because if you do, you always have me. You are all beautiful and no one can tell you otherwise. It doesn't matter if you are chubby or thin, gorgeous or average, long hair or short hair, small or tall, athletic or not you are all beautiful. Your quirks are yours and no one else's. Your little habits belongs to you and no one else. Your heart is yours and it is your duty to protect it. The boy I love is the encourager. And it makes me want him more. That bastard.