Subtle Endearment

12. Office Chats

Ian

"Instead of pacing back and forth can you sit down somewhere? Dang, you're giving me anxiety just looking at you," Landon mutters as he goes back to scrolling on his phone from his relaxed position on the sofa in my office. "Nobody is keeping you from going back, Landon," I assure him as I take a seat at my desk. "No, but if I leave now you'll probably try to run off with that girl you just met," Landon says nonchalantly.

"I wouldn't do that, Landon. Besides, you're only here to see Violet. Don't think I didn't see the face you made when I said Violet was still working as my secretary. You weren't even trying to come before then," I say. "Yeah, you caught me. So where is she anyways?" Landon asks putting his phone away. "She'll be here in a couple minutes to deliver some copies of the sale reports. Please don't disrupt the employees," I say tiredly.

"Sure. So are we going to talk about that girl or are you going to keep changing the conversation?" Landon asks. "I don't know what you're talking about," I feign ignorance. "What's her name? I can look into her background if you want. Maybe she works for a strip club or something. That would turn you off wouldn't it?" Landon exclaims exciting himself. "She's already been looked into, there's not much information on her aside from the basic information on her resume," I say. "Oh, you looked into her? Or did the "company" look into her? I take that she isn't a part of Stubborn Elites then," Landon says racking his head for answers.

"Don't look into it, it's really none of your business," I say staring at the blank screen on my laptop. "If she's not a part of Stubborn Elites, isn't that even more reason to avoid her, Ian? You don't want to bring an innocent person into this mess. We're barely hanging on as it is," Landon reminds me. "I know," I respond. The room falls silent as I utter these words. I'd made it clear that I was aware of my selfishness, there was nothing more Landon could say.

"Here's the copies of the sales records you requested earlier," Violet says busting through the door and laying the documents on my desk. "Come in," I say annoyed. She'd made it a habit to burst in the office, in the one and a half years she's been here she still managed to maintain the same annoying habit. "Violet, looking as beautiful as ever," Landon says approaching her. "Don't bother the employees," I say scanning through the documents.

"So when will you make time for me," Landon asks Violet as he rests an arm across her shoulders. "Never, I'm not trying to die for you Landon besides I've already got a boyfriend," Violet says. "Madam Melanie's really gotten to you like that?" Landon asks as Violet brushes him off her. "Yeah she does and it seems like the same for you. Tell me, why haven't you had a girlfriend for longer than three days Landon?" Violet questions.

"Oh, so you keep up with me?" Landon asks clearly flattered by the attention. "Everyone in Stubborn Elites knows, I'm sure Madam Melanie knows too at this point. You're just lucky she doesn't see them as a threat to her plans for you," Violet responds. Landon waves his hand as if disregarding her words. "That can't be said about Ian, it looks like he might've set his eyes on someone in the company. His love life is as dry as the Sahara desert. If he's with someone he's probably serious about them," Violet clarifies. "Just because I'm the only one actually working doesn't mean that I can't hear you," I say lowering the documents that were previously blocking my view of the two. "Sorry, Mr. Dewan," Violet mocks.

"Hand these documents to Lyla," I say passing a folder to Violet. "You're not going to deliver it yourself? Usually you'd jump at the opportunity to see her," Violet says clearly confused. "Did something happen," Violet asks setting the folder down back on the desk. "Just do your job, Violet," I answer as I open another tab on my laptop. "Sure, whatever you say," Violet says walking out with the folder.

"Jokes aside, are you alright? You seemed pretty upset at the meeting a month ago. That was the longest you've gone rogue," Landon says taking a seat at the chair in front of the desk. "Yeah, I'm fine, I just needed some time to myself," I lie. "Yeah, I feel that. It's good to take some time away, Madam Melanie can be really overbearing sometimes," Landon chuckles trying to lift the mood. "Yeah, I think I'm going to call it quits for today. Are you going back with me to the apartment or are you going to stay and bug Violet some more," I ask. "I'll go tell Violet we're leaving and meet you in the parking lot," Landon says bouncing out of his seat and down the hallway to look for Violet.

How do I tell them that during that month I was out I had a breakdown that landed me in the hospital. While I was out I took the time to wander New York as just another tourist. I stayed away from the company and away from the mafia. All my attention was drawn to finding myself outside of what Madam Melanie had in store for me. Even then I still felt like I was missing something. I tried going to local bars and picking up girls the way that Landon did but I couldn't give any of them my love. I couldn't bring myself to sleep with any of them or give them the same energy they were putting towards me. Everywhere I turned it seemed like people had their lives worked out, they were living for themselves. They were happy. The feelings of despair and loneliness were too much to overcome and I became content with my state of desolation.

For three weeks I contemplated whether it was worth it and on the fourth week I had made my decision. Stumbling to my bathroom after another worthless night at the bar I filled the tub with steaming water hoping to end it once and for all. I called Landon that night in hopes of getting heroin from the source. Silence dictated the phone conversation for a long time before he finally said "no, we're all out." It was an odd request seeing how I never took drugs and I don't doubt that he knew what I intended to do but he never brought it up again. Frustrated, I sat in the burning hot tub full of water and let the steam have its way with me as I felt my body go numb and I submerged myself hoping for my happy ending.

When I woke up the next day I was livid, I felt I was being forced to live against my will. I was told that someone in my apartment had called for help after I didn't answer the door. "What idiot would contact me so late in the night," I had complained to myself. I answered all the doctors questions correctly to avoid being evaluated and was sent home that day. A couple days later I received word from Violet that I needed to return in time for an upcoming collaboration with EnviroStem so I returned.

On the walk there I met the most alluring woman I've ever met. She scolded me but I liked it. The empty piece of me lit up in her presence and I couldn't get enough of her or the serotonin she brought me. Her dark skin glimmered under the sun and even as she scolded me I could see her untouchable beauty. For Kira who I fell in love with at first sight, I told myself to keep going. That was the first time since I fell under Madam Melanie's control that I truly felt like I had a reason to exist.