Subtle Endearment

30. Truth

Kira

"I'm sorry, sir. We only have one room left. The customer suddenly cancelled; It's a presidential suite. The hotel gets booked pretty quickly around this time of year, I do apologize," the woman behind the hotel check-in desk says to us without an ounce of remorse.

"Then we'll look for a-" I begin.

"We'll take it," Ian says before I can get the words out. I cross my arms as he goes through with the transaction. When it's finally over we take the elevator to the top floor.

"What do you not get about never seeing each other again," I finally say.

"It didn't seem like you meant it when you kissed me," he says. He's got a point, I am sending mixed messages.

"I mean it this time. I don't want to keep seeing you," I say.

"Right," he says, stepping out of the elevator as we arrive on our floor. The room is decorated in red and green Christmas decorations and the kitchen area has the table set with unlit candles. I set my stuff down on the bed and look around the bedroom. There's a couch to the side of the bed and a large tv. The bathroom is to the left of the bedroom and it has a glass shower that is nearly visible from the bedroom.

"I can take the couch," Ian says, putting his suitcase beside the couch that's obviously too short for him.

"We can sleep in the bed together, it's fine," I say moving my suitcase to the smaller couch on the opposite end.

"If you insist," Ian says, cocking his head.

"Don't get the wrong idea" I say avoiding his gaze.

"If you say so," he says before unzipping his suitcase. "I'm gonna head to the shower first," he insists.

"Okay," I say. As the door closes I open my suitcase wider picking through my clothes for something to wear. I hadn't expected to be staying at a hotel overnight so I had left my laundry at my grandparents house. Over half of my clothes are spewed out of my suitcase before I finally realize that the pajamas I'd packed were a simple oversized shirt and shorts. It reminded me of the first night I had slept at Ian's home. Surely I packed other pajamas.

I pick up the pink set of pajamas I'd stuffed on the other side of my suitcase and give it a whiff. Yeah, that definitely won't work. I guess it's my fault for leaving my stuff on the bathroom floor overnight and throwing it all into my suitcase. I have to get more organized.

I wrap the shorts and oversized shirt up and put it on the night stand closest to me. I'm scrolling through the channels offered on the tv when Ian finally gets out. A towel sits neatly wrapped around his waist exposing his bare chest. Any looser and I'm sure the towel would fall off. I divert my eyes to my clothes and grab them walking past him to the bathroom. A couple minutes later I return wearing the pajamas.

I carry my dirty clothes out of the bathroom and tuck them into my suitcase. I see Ian staring from the corner of my eye and I wonder if something is wrong. I turn to him as he begins approaching me, a smirk plastered on his face.

"Is this some kind of punishment," he asks, crossing his arms.

"What do you mean?" I ask genuinely confused. Ian approaches me and I feel the flat of the room wall as I've backed up to it without realizing. "This," he says, tracing my body through my t-shirt.

"It's not. I just had nothing else to wear so I wore it," I admit.

"Sounds like an excuse to me," he says, placing his hands on my hips.

"And what if it is" I say. "That would be even better," he says, pressing his lips against mine. I give in almost immediately and Ian wraps a hand around my waist pulling me closer. I deepen the kiss, leaning more into it. Ian eventually breaks from the kiss offering a gentle smile as his fingers dance over my thighs. I lift my legs and before I know it, I'm swept off my feet and in his arms.

I take the initiative wrapping my hands around his neck as he carries me. My lips brush up against his just before I feel the soft bedsheets below me. Ian looks at me with admiration in his eyes as he delicately traces my jaw then neck, letting his fingers explore. He kisses me again, his kiss is deep and slow as if we're the only two people in the world- as if we have all the time in the world.

"Meri jaan," Ian whispers as he presses his forehead against mine. "Stay with me." His body is warm and welcoming. I want nothing more than to yell at the top of my lungs that I will. That I can.

"I can't," I say, words I'd become familiar with recently.

"Why can't you," he asks matching my tone.

"Because you're hiding something from me," I whisper in his ear. Ian stops for a second hesitantly before kissing me on the cheek. He's avoiding it again. I gently push him away and sit on the edge of the bed with my back to him.

"We should get some sleep," I whisper.

I pick up my dirty laundry from the floor.

"Would you be able to face the truth if you knew it?" Ian's voice echoes as I fix my pajamas.

"No, I wouldn't," my voice cracks. "That's why I need to leave. Ian I love you, but I cannot take this anymore. I need time alone, please. I need to forget about you."

"Kira, you came into my bleak life like the light at the end of a tunnel. The sun doesn't dare to shine in your presence. You are the one love of my life and I would do anything to stay by your side. You are the light of my life."

"Ian-," I say, trying to compose myself. "Ian-," I try again, trying to hold back tears.

I feel a shift on the bed and realize that Ian has moved, he sits behind me on the bed wrapping his arms around me.

"This is so unfair," I scream, tears blinding me as I repeat the phrase. "This is unfair."

"I know," Ian says, rubbing my back. Several moments go by and the only sound I can hear is my exasperated breathing.

I lie down on the bed and Ian follows suit. His eyes search my face for answers before asking the question. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I tell him everything, from the things I've held back on saying about how the mafia made me feel to the recurring nightmares and how they came to be.

"She left me there. When I was being assaulted by those men, she left me there because that was what benefited her most. If she showed an ounce of remorse, if she'd just talk to me. Say something about it, she wouldn't be haunting my mind the way she is now. She left me because it was what was in the best interest for her. I didn't know it then but if they knew I was her daughter they probably would've killed me when they were done with me. But I still don't understand why she never brought it up again. She acted as if it never even happened," I cry, tears fill my eyes as I punch my heavy heart.

"Kira, I'm sorry. I didn't know," Ian says clearly at a loss for words.

"How could you, I never told you," I say. His arms wrap themselves around me and I can't help but cry more.

Ian moves a single braid away from my face as we lie down. "I know how it feels to be left alone and confused. I don't want you feeling that way too."