The Pieces of Me

Chapter 3

I find myself standing outside the door. But I can't bring myself to open it.

Why can't I open it?

What lies beyond this plain old door is what I don't want to see. If I open this door then it's like I'm admitting to myself that I have cancer. That I am supposed to be here. But I can't help but think that I don't belong here.

This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to get sick. I'm supposed to be hanging out at the bar with my friends. I'm supposed to be stressing out over my biochemistry class at University. I should be... doing something else.

But here I am...

Too afraid to open a door...

Too afraid of dying...

To even be somewhat concerned about any of those things. I'm 19 for God's sake!!! I shouldn't be here! I shouldn't be dying!

I shouldn't...

I shouldn't...

My vision starts to blur. And before I know it I'm sobbing on the floor. I haven't cried at all since finding out I have cancer. I felt nothing. But now I feel everything. And it's so much. It's too much. I might die. I might never get married. I might never have kids. Hell, I might not even finish Uni.

So consumed in my own thoughts I don't even hear the door open. I don't know that someone is there until they crouch down next to me and pull me into a hug. I don't care that I wrap my arms around him. I don't care that I'm probably ruining his shirt. I don't care that I'm probably making a scene. I don't care that I don't even know who this person is. I just know that I need this. That this is all I need right now.

"It's okay", he says, "It's okay, we've all been here". I don't know how long we're sitting there for. But when I finally pull away I'm feeling a little better.

I look up at him and I can now see his face. Shaggy blonde hair, soft blue eyes that look as though they have been through a lot, yet somehow still very comforting.

"I think I'm good now", I tell him softly, not yet trusting my voice.

"Good. I'm Jake by the way", he says as he stands up. Holding a hand out to pull me up as well.

"I'm Ali".

He opens the door holing it open for me. "Well, Ali, welcome to support group".