The Pieces of Me

Chapter 10

~~unedited

Evan hasn't left my side for TWO FREAKING DAYS!!! I mean I love the kid and I understand what he's thinking but come on! A girl needs her space!

Dad took Evan out of school for the week and took the week off work as well so it's his fault that I'm being suffocated by the child! Evan follows me to the gym, follows me around the house, but I went to the gym so that allowed me some breathing space.

Currently I'm sitting on our grey worn couch that Dad had in collage, watching Mulan with, guess who?... Evan! It's started to feel like when we were kids and he would follow me around everywhere being my shadow. I'm trying to be nice about it though because I know that Evan is scared of losing me.

After I told Evan that I have cancer there was a really long pause and then he said, "No, no you don't because I would know. You can't have cancer, you can't!" As tears start dripping down his face, my heart breaks even more than I thought it could.

I pushed back my chair, rush around the edge of the dining table and wrap him up in my arms as he starts crying harder though I can tell he is trying to suppress it. Sometimes I forget that he is still a kid. Sometimes I forget that I'm a kid as well.

Eventually we all migrate to the family room and I explain everything to him in as few non-science-y words as possible because some I don't even understand. And by midnight we all end up falling asleep on the couch.

*****

"Okay so let's start by telling something positive that happened this week. We will go around the circle clockwise." Jake says. I've noticed that Jake seems to be the one who organizes these group meetings.

Some girl named Cherry is talking about her drama class and how she got the lead role. I'm thankful that I won't have to say anything because sharing isn't mandatory.

"So is it always this boring?" Evan whispers to me. He wanted to come with me today, but I don't know why.

"Yeah pretty much," I sigh. I don't know why I even come to these things. Maybe because it makes me feel better to not have people giving me looks filled with pity.

"Okay so I see we have a new face hear today, so why don't you introduce yourself and tell us why you are here?" Jake directs to Evan while giving him a look I can't decipher.

Evan looks uncomfortable, he has never liked the spotlight, I guess we are similar in that sense. "Moral support," he eventually croaks out avoiding eye contact with Jake and his chair creeks as he shifts his weight.

Jake looks from Evan to me "ah, yes I see the resemblance now. Well that's always a help, especially with the newbies," jake chuckles out.

The rest of the session was pretty much of the same. Though I notice that the other members seem to know each other quite well. As if they have been friends for years. I'm immediately filled with dread as the realization that this is, for many, a life long battle hits me.

I know I'm probably stupid for thinking that this would be over within the next couple years.

I remain so encompassed by my own thoughts that I don't notice that the session had ended and everyone is gone until I feel Evan kicking the leg of my chair. "Hey Al, you ready to go?" Evan says.

"Yeah sure," I say still a little spaced out. "Let's go."

*****

Sweat is dripping down my back as I lean my weight up against the punching bag. I change my music the my playlist that's labeled:BadAssBitch and resume taking out my frustration on the poor punching bag.

I've never really done much of boxing before apart from it just being for shits and giggles, I've always been more of a tennis girl but I quit that years ago when I injured my right arm and when it healed I just kind of lost interest all together. But sometimes you just need to punch something!

I continue beating up the punching bag and I don't know why people say violence doesn't solve anything cause this feels great.

I picture all the faces of the people I want to punch.

That bitch who bullied me in 9th grade, Punch. The doctor who told me the worst news of my life, punch. The pitying looks I get from the nurses, Punch. My own brain for being defective, Punch, punch! Evan for taking my damn iPad, Punch, punch, punch, punch!

"Woah, woah, who pissed you off?" I hear from behind the punching bag and see a pair of hands reach out to steady the bag from swinging any more.

My ears must have cancer as well because that sounded just like Eliot, I think as I see that it is in fact Eliot as he steps out from behind the bag.

I'm looking at him for I don't know how long before I notice I have yet to say anything like the total weirdo I am.
"No one I'm just practicing."

"Are you sure because it looks like you're pissed at someone?" He responds and the corner of his mouth quirks up and I see there is a dimple there.

"Really how can you tell?"

"You can always tell when someone is mad punching because their form is all out of whack." I guess he saw the look on my face because he quickly added, "I mean not that your form is out of whack, just that it could be improved." He rubs the back of his neck with an apologetic smile.

I give him a quizzical look. "Okay, show me."

"What?"

"Well since you think my form can be improved then show me how."

"Um...sure...okay well you see how you were placing your feet? Well they are too close together and your knees should be slightly bent." He steps so that he is now beside me and facing the punching bag.

I copy his stance and look to him for more instruction. He seems to relax a little and shows me how I'm swinging my arm a little too much and it's reducing the amount of power my fist should have.

He tells me to try now and I notice that it did work and he smiles brightly at me now flashing me both dimples and I think I melt a little. No no stop I tell myself.

Eliot checks his watch and rubs the back of his neck nervously, "well I have to go soon but if you wanted I could maybe coach you again sometime?"

"Yeah I would like that."

"Great, well here." He hands me his phone and I put my number in and then give him mine to do the same.

"Okay maybe Friday or something then?" I ask trying not to seem too excited.

"That's would be awesome so I'll see you then." He gives me a wave before heading into the men's locker room. And for the first time since finding about my cancer I've felt truly happy.