The Pieces of Me

Chapter 7

--unedited

The ride home was long and quiet. It wasn't an awkward silence, that would have been a blessing. I looked over at my Dad and he looked...completely defeated. As if someone just sucked all the energy out of him with a vacuum. The only time we spoke is when we drove up to the gas station and he asked if I wanted anything from inside. I didn't.

I wanted to say something to make him feel better, I wanted to apologize for putting him through this. But I couldn't say, 'hey, I'm sorry that I have cancer and could die', so I don't say anything.

It was almost 7pm when we pulled up onto the driveway. I walk up onto the front step and as I open the door I expect to be bombarded with questions from my brother, but he's not home and even though I miss him I'm filled with relief that I don't have to talk about it anymore today.

I quickly fall back into my old routine of getting ready for bed and it's as if I never left at all.

As I crawl into my old twin size bed I end up wanting to go back to before I left. God things where so much easier while I lived here, and I'm not only talking about the cancer. I never imagined how hard grown-up life could be. When I moved out I was mostly focused on the freedom that came with it; not so much about the responsibility of it. Even before I found out about my cancer I was planning on moving back.

Never have I felt as young and naïve as I did when I had to pay my first electrical bill.

And as I lie in bed staring up at the ceiling, I wonder why I was in such a hurry to grow up. Coming back home and going to sleep in my old bed,weirdly, I felt like I could breath easier, if only a little.

Unable to fall asleep, I quietly climb down the stairs to the kitchen to find my Dad sitting on one of the chairs at the table. "Why are you still up?" I ask.

"Probably the same reason as you." He says and pulls out the chair next to him for me to sit. "Would you like some hot chocolate?"

"Do you need to ask?"

"No, I guess not" he chuckles quietly. As he is fixing both some hot chocolate I feel like we need to talk.

"Dad..."

"Humm?" He visibly tenses. "What is it?"

"I...um...i was thinking about maybe me not going back to school for a while."

He sighs and walks back over to hand me my mug and sits himself down with his before replying."was going to suggest that but I was going to wait a couple of days before mentioning it." He says as I lower my head becoming very interested in my fuzzy socks. "But are you sure this is what you want?"

"No but I know that I don't have much of a choice with what's going on right now and that it would be best."

He sighs again leaning back in his chair. And at this moment I can see how he has managed to age years within a matter of less that two days. "I wish that I could make this all go away for you, but I can't and that kills me. I hate not being able to take it all away for you."

"I know...and I love you for that."

***

Authors note

Hey, I know, I know. It has been months sense I last updated and I really have no excuse. But I will be updating more regularly now and I am working on another story as well but that doesn't mean that I'll stop writing this one. I'll update them both as often as I can. Please comment vote and follow, it encourages me to update faster.