adrianna

25

Adrianna pov

I wake up startled, covered in sweat.

Ivan Petrov.
Nikolai Ivanov.
The Russains.
My captors.

I remember them.

I. Remember. Them.

Rage takes over my mind. All I can feel is anger.

I check the time and I see it's 3:30am.

I jump out of bed and rush into clothes. I don't pay attention to what I put on. My mind is in a completely different place. I need a distraction.

No drugs. I know I bought some but I need to learn to try and live without them. I don't need them. I don't need anything. 

I run out of my room and down the stairs. I don't take note of my surroundings to see if anyone is witnessing my lame attempts of preventing a panic attack.

I run through the front doors and I keep running. I don't stop. For hours, all I can do is run. If I stop, my mind starts. I don't stop no matter how much my lungs are burning or how sore my legs are.

I don't take in the scenes as I run past them. I don't look at the people I pass. I don't notice the strange looks I'm getting. I don't notice anything, I'm stuck in a world of memories and recollections.

I check the time on my phone and it's nearly 6am. I didn't realise I ran for so long.

I jogged back to the house and lay out the front of the house in grass. I am heavily breathing, desperate for oxygen to fill my lungs once more.

It starts to pour down, as if the world couldn't handle my pain. It's letting it all go by soaking me in it.

Pain is a strange thing. It can come in many different forms, it can happen in many different ways, but it always feels the same.

The sun may rise every day, but to me, my days are constantly dark. Like I'm stuck in all these shadows, nobody ever seeing me. I try to run into the light, I reach my hand out, hoping someone will hold on to me. But nothing. Nobody is there to save me.

I try to distract my mind but I can't get the thoughts out of my head.

Nikolai wasn't just my 'uncle'. He was my trainer. He was my guardian. He was my tormentor. He's known me since I was 3 years old. He practically raised me. Was Jack and Maria apart of their mafia too, and just pretended to be my parents? Or did they actually adopt me and Nikolai decided to get involved with their lives so he could stay to watch me suffer.

Ivan Petrov. He is the Russian Mafia Don. He never knew what Nikolai did to me, but for that, it makes me hate him even more. He couldn't control Nikolai. Nikolai was unhinged and delusional. Seeing me suffer was the oxygen he needed to live.

Also Alexei's father. Alexei is different though. He is kind. He has been staying with my family for years, and if they trust him then I must learn to.

I don't know how I had this memory and remembered who they were, but I think I wished I didn't. My mind is slowly running out of room to put things, and now I've just discovered a whole other file of memories I didn't even know I had.

I really hope Andrew is safe. I hope they haven't done anything to him. I miss him so much.

They made us abandon each other. They knew we were too deadly together. Too powerful. Too dangerous. But I miss having my best friend. He knew what I was feeling all the time. He understood my trauma because he went through it too.

I'm coming for him and when I get him, I'm never letting him go. Ever.

Sometimes I feel like dying. I was running straight for the dark hole in my mind, ready to never come out. But he stood in the way. And he helped me turn around.