adrianna

12

2 Years Ago

Adrianna pov

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

I'm not okay.

I am a monster. I killed two kids. I took their lives away from their parents when they weren't looking. All because I was ordered to. Because I was weak.

I have to be a monster because I can't be human. No human could do the things I've done. I've taken innocent lives, I've helped my family's enemy, I feel no emotion or pain.

There's something inside of me, begging to be let go.

I'm afraid to acknowledge it. This thing it clawing to break free from the trap it's been caged in.

Every day, I open my mouth to scream. To shout and yell, but I can't. I have to contain my demons and stick to the plan no matter how broken I become.

I've had to make myself submissive just to make him feel victorious. To get his guard down so I can pounce on him.

But I can't right now, because I am once again in confinement. I've been back in the facility for 2 months, and Adonis sent me on a mission with a few of his men. My objective was to kill a family that have important information that could end up coming to bite Adonis in the ass. But I refused. And my refusal is killing me. Slowly. Mentally.

I refused to kill the loving family that were sitting in their living room, watching television together whilst their toddler slept in the room next door.

I couldn't do it, because I imagined if that was me with Ciana. I would lose myself completely. I would lose my sanity. I would lose my mind.

After I refused, Adonis has his men kill them anyway, forcing my to watch then to escort me back to one of the many facilities he owns.

I don't know what's happening to me.

My existence has become a struggle.

I'm losing myself. Again.

My mind is wondering a lot, drowning in thoughts I wish I didn't have.

I wonder what they're thinking. My family. I wonder where they are and if they're okay now. I'm in this facility for them. I'm going to put an end to Adonis and his plans.

I wonder if my family are happy now that I'm gone. I know I was growing close to them, but there was always a small part of me that didn't feel like I belonged. What if I get killed before I can carry through my plans?

Is hell better than here?

I wonder what my face looks like now. I wonder if I'll ever breathe fresh air again. Will I ever feel the sunlight shining on my skin again?