adrianna

34

Adrianna pov

My eyes open slowly but then squeezes right shut again when they're met with the morning sun.

I groan and turn on my side, and that's when I feel needles in my hands. I snap my eyes open and I'm in a medical room?

What happened. I look around, and that's when I see mum sleeping on a double bed on the other side of the room. I frown.

I look down at myself. My knuckles are wrapped, my head is dizzy and most of the room is trashed.

My mattress and pillows have rips in them too. What happened? That's when it hits me.

I was in Gio's room and now I'm in here. I shake my head. I grip my hair tightly.

"No, no, no, no." I shake my head faster. I squeeze my eyes shut.

You hurt them.

It's your fault.

It's always your fault. You hurt them.

"Shut up. I wouldn't do that."

Yes you would. You're a monster.

"No please. Stop."

You cant hide from yourself or the truth Adrianna.

"You're lying."

The only person lying is you. Stop lying to yourself. Accept yourself as the creature you are. You were born this way. You were made for this. You aren't like everyone else. You don't belong. You don't deserve happiness. You don't deserve a family. Give up.

"Shut up, get out of my head. Stop talking!"

It's your fault bad things happen to you. You have to stop avoiding your life. It was your fault you were beaten. It was your fault you were raped. It will be your fault when someone close to you gets hurt. It's your fault she died.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks. My bottom lip is trembling. My hands are covering my ears. "Please. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault. Please leave me alone. Stop talking. It's not my fault. I'm not a monster."

"Adrianna?"

I open my teary eyes and look at my mum.

There is no helping the hopeless. There is no love. There is no saving you. Nobody will forgive you. Nobody will wait for you. You're just a person here. They don't care about you.

"SHUT UP!" I grip my head harder and get out of bed. I frantically pull the needles out of my hands and arms.

"Leave me alone."

I slide down the wall and burry my head in my hands.

"It wasn't my fault." My voice starts to break.

"What wasn't your fault honey?"

I start shaking my head. They can't know. Nobody can know. It's dangerous for them if they get close to me. I will not risk it.

"You can tell me. You're safe here. Nothing will happen." She sits next to me, but she didn't look at me. She stares at the same wall I've been staring at.

Tell her. Tell her how much you've failed. How much of a disappointment you are. Maybe she'll hate you so much she'll be like Jack. You always loved physical punishments. You haven't had one in a while. Tell her. You want to be punished. You want it.

I shake my head, completely sobbing now. "Please stop."

Mum still doesn't look at me. "When I was 17 years old, my mother died. My dad became an alcoholic and abused me for a few years. One night he beat me up really bad, I had to walk to the chemist because I ran out of bandages. That's when I ran into your father. He knew I was hurt but I never admitted it to him.