definitely this time (e.p. fanfic)

Chapter 16

There was a weight that was lifted, but a weight that prevailed too. Guess that's what happens when you finally snap and let it out, but when you let it out, you realise you've actually accepted what happened, and that you can't live in denial anymore. And that's what Raina felt in the hours that followed her stand-off with Edmund. It was well into the evening, as the night crew stayed on deck to maneuver the ship. Raina sat on the prow, her new favourite place on the ship now, and stared out into the midnight ocean.

It was always going to end this way, wasn't it? She asked herself. While always holding out a small ember of hope for ending up with the boy she's come to care about so deeply, she knew they could never be together. Life has a knack for throwing wrenches and hardships your way, but this takes the cake. All this makes you question whether what you felt was real, or whether you just wanted to feel something, so you made it up.

But no matter what happened, Raina could never pretend she didn't care about Edmund Goddamn Pevensie.

He just had to say that, didn't he? Raina wondered. I wonder if he meant that or it was a spur of the moment.

Spoiler alert, Edmund loathes himself for saying that, knowing full well now he never meant it.

From the entry to the map room, Edmund watched the girl he tormented sit alone on the prow of the ship, her hand repeatedly going to her face, and wiping at her eyes rapidly.

You know that gnawing feeling? In the pit of your stomach? When you know you've hurt someone so deeply, they'll never recover? That's what he felt, and how he'll blame himself for losing the one he always dreamed of, because of his anxieties. He let that cloud his judgement, and went so far as to believe that of all people, Raina Laurel, the kindest, most caring and loving person alive, was selfish.

I'm a fucking asshole. Edmund thought to himself, as he watched Raina stare out into the ocean. He felt tears build in his eyes, as she buried her head in her hands and sobbed, quietly. Edmund couldn't bear to see that, especially when he was the reason for it, as well as not being able to go and comfort her. He just bounded away inside, rapidly wiping at his eyes, disappearing from sight of who seems to be his younger carbon copy, watching from the edge of the deck.

Eustace observed his annoying, snarky cousin physically break down, observing that girl on the prow, the scary one with the powers and stuff. But for the first time, observing Raina so frail, so upset, even Eustace felt a twinge of sadness for her. He had no inkling as to what might've happened, but he figured it had to have been bad.

Eustace then made the brave decision to walk upto Raina, nervously twiddling his fingers. Her back was to him, just as he softly cleared his throat. Raina turned her head slightly, as Eustace looked taken aback. Even in the darkness, he could see the paleness of her face. the redness of her cheeks and eyes, and the slickness of her cheeks. She had been crying, and she looked broken. Eustace had never seen anyone like that, least of all Raina, possibly the strongest, most powerful badass he had ever had the honour of meeting (don't say this to her).

'Did you need something, Eustace?' Raina asked, her voice soft, on the verge of cracking.

'No no, I uh...' Eustace trailed off, not knowing how to approach her, especially because he hadn't dealt with talking to someone crying, especially not this way. Raina figured it out.

'Not used to seeing this, huh?' Raina commented, as Eustace nodded slowly.

'You can sit, I'm not going to flash my eyes at you or make you hang upside down.' Raina joked, as Eustace laughed genuinely before taking a seat next to her.

'Are you alright, Raina?' Eustace asked, concerned. Raina took a shuddering breath, as she looked up towards the sky.

'No, Eustace, I'm really not.'