definitely this time (e.p. fanfic)

Chapter 17

'What does that mean?? And HOW?!'

'Ugh, cool your loud pipes, gimme some room to think and breathe, dumbass.'

Raina groaned as Caspian asked her about how she has control over her will again. He was a mixture of shocked, happy, confused, and so on. Not having slept well the night before didn't do anything good for her mood, thus Raina being a little more annoyed than usual. Caspian gave her a slightly annoyed look at being called a dumbass.

'I'm not a dumbass.' He mumbled.

'Whatever helps you sleep at night, Cas.'

Caspian rolled his eyes at Raina's sarcasm, which to be honest, he was actually happy to be seeing. It meant she was feeling a little, if not much, better?

'To answer your question, I'm actually not sure how I have control over my will again. I tried to read your mind, and past habit, I used my will, but I was surprised to feel that it didn't need any effort. It just happened. I didn't pass out or anything!' Raina said, ecstatic, as Caspian laughed at her reaction.

'Never change, Raina.' He chimed in, as Raina pouted at him.

'But that's fantastic news! This is huge!' Caspian exclaimed, joyfully. Raina smiled.

'It is. Sure does make things better.'

Caspian simmered down realising what she meant.

'Raina...'

She looked at him.

'Why didn't you tell us before?' He asked, simply, even though he knew the answer deep down. He also asked, cautiously, knowing that this could bring up a lot of feelings, and just when he thought she might get upset, she just sighed, as her bright demeanour began to dim.

'I think saying it out loud meant accepting it, I guess? I don't really know how you're supposed to accept and move on from something like this? And it just triggers a whole lot for me, and so if I can avoid it, get my mind off it, I'm signing up.' She replied, sarcasm lacing her voice in the end. Caspian smiled a little at that.

'If it makes you feel any better, I felt the same way too. On the surface I had to act just the right amount of sadness, and project the right amount of responsibility. I didn't have time to grieve the way I'd like. And...' Caspian trailed off, shutting his eyes, recalling something painful. Raina could feel that pain, as her eyebrows furrowed and she placed a hand on his shoulder.

'It's okay. You can tell me.'

Caspian took a breath, visually steeling himself to speak the words he'd kept hidden from everyone for so long.

'In his last days, my father and I were on bad terms. We argued a lot, and he often expressed disappointment in me and my abilities as a ruler.' He began, his voice distant. It didn't have any malice or bitterness in it, just pain.

'I always thought that I'd never be good enough for him, and I probably never will. But he always wanted me to be my best self, and he never stopped pushing me in the right direction.' His voice was shaking slightly, which made Raina physically ache.

'I even...told him to his face that I wish he wasn't my father.'

Caspian had tears building in his eyes, his hair covering the side of his face, so that Raina couldn't see it. He quickly blinked them away and looked up.

'He went still. Didn't say another word. I left out of anger and didn't come out of my room for dinner either that night. I went to bed, loathing my father for making me feel like I'm not enough. And then...' Caspian's voice cracked, as he was fully crying now.