Imagine This

James Potter | With You Always

James Potter x Reader: Dumbledore lets down yet another one of the young children he signed up for his cause.

Rating: angst, death, mourning

Word Count: 4.3k

_____

"My little darkling, growing up so fast."

Your mother stood in the wooden door frame, watching you put on the black dress she'd chosen for tonight. Tonight. The night you would be marked and become a Death Eater, joining the rest of your family. Your body hadn't let you breathe properly since you woke up that morning, the anxiety and nerves making it feel as though your throat had closed up – despite so many physical signs, your mother noticed nothing, only seeing her only daughter finally following in her footsteps, just as your brothers had upon their seventeenth year. The way she'd been preparing you, you felt more like a human sacrifice than a willing participant. Not that you were exactly a willing participant.

_____

"Y/N, your family is known to have very close ties with Voldemort." Dumbledore sits behind his desk, eyes piercing you like a needle.

Your heart sped up, That's it, I'm finally getting expelled. "Headmaster, I'm not–"

He held up a hand, cutting you off and stood up as you trembled before him. "No, no, you've misunderstood. I know better than most that our family does not define us."

Dumbledore now stood right before you, the light from his window casting his front in shadow but making him seem like a god walking.

"Y/N, I am part of a group that actively works against Voldemort and his... group. I would like to formally invite you to join the Order of the Phoenix."

You went to speak but he held up a hand, halting your words.

"Before you accept, I want you to know that I have a special task planned for you, one which I would not force anyone to carry out against their wishes. The nature of the task also means that the other members of the Order will not and cannot know you are an active member – it opens up too many variables."

There is a pause as he stares at you, scrutinizing every miniscule reaction on your face.

"Your family connection puts you in a unique situation. My special task for you is to join Voldemort's ranks so that we, as the resistance, can have someone on the inside to provide us vital information and warning."

It was the first time anyone in a position of authority had looked at you and seen someone important. This task could change the course of the impending war, your efforts could bring about the end or The End.

"I accept."

_____

Now, six months later, you were following your mother down your manor hallway, finally about to receive the Mark – marking you as an official member of the group you'd accepted to infiltrate. Walking in the candlelit gloominess, it felt like being led to your death. The last six months were harder than you thought they would be; living a double life without either side knowing the other existed draining you of nearly everything.

It's finally here. Everything we'd been working towards.

Your best friends were official members of the Order, though they didn't know you knew, so your prolonged absences from school and change in behaviour went fairly unnoticed as James, Remus, and Sirius were always occupied with whatever tasks and missions Dumbledore required of them. However, the hardest part of the double life was not seeing them. Not being able to crawl into James' arms and unload everything after a bad day. Sitting in the room as Sirius broke down after his family tried to mark him against his will and knowing that you were joining the ranks of the people he despised most – the people that had hurt him the most in the entire world. It was a lonely time and you certainly did not expect to connect with anyone in the group as you had.