Anon had been rummaging through his closet for hours.
Did he have any clothes that didn't look like shit?
He finally settled on the suit he had worn to his high school graduation. It had been way too big for him at the time, but now that he had gained some weight it was starting to fit better. After his first shower in weeks, and his first time using hair gel since middle school, Anon was ready to roll.
He had all of his D&D stuff packed, and was ready to leave for Aidan's house, just down the block, when he suddenly froze.
He felt a terrible knot in his chest, and it felt like hot gasoline was dripping down his neck. He was also sweating, bad, and he could feel his face getting warm and itchy, and turning red.
Did he really want to do this?
The knot in his chest rose up into his neck, and he swallowed it back down.
D&D with the guys was fun and all, but that was because when his friends were around, it was ok for him to be a degenerate. Throughout his entire life his mom, his teachers, and pretty much every adult he met believed that it wasn't ok for him to be a degenerate, and they scolded him for it. But his friends were different. They were ok with his disgusting behavior. In fact, they even supported it. When he had eaten 3 buckets of ice cream while binging Attack on Titan, they were right there beside him, getting the 4th one from the fridge.
But with a girl there, Anon knew that there was no way he was going to let himself act like a degenerate.
He would have to act civilized. And if there was one thing that Anon hated—besides, well, everything else besides D&D—it was acting civilized. Anon believed that society was created to stop human beings from being happy. He believed that the people in charge made everyone "act normal" just to watch them suffer while trying to do it. The fake smiles, the pretending you like people at social gatherings, the whole "be nice to strangers" bullshit—Anon hated it all. The entire social game was torture for him to participate in.
That's why Anon loved his friends. They shared his beliefs about the social game being bullshit, and they believed that everyone should be allowed to be as fucked up as they want to be.
That's also why all of Anon's friends were guys. Because in Anon's view, guys understand the bullshit going on in society infinitely more than women do.
Men were trained for millenia to be hunters. They were out there doing stuff, exploring shit, while the women sat around at home and chilled with their kids. Men were kings all throughout history. If someone was running shit, you could bet your ass it was a man. And if someone was fighting in some great war, at any point in history, you could bet your ass it was a man too. Women just didn't have that kind of courage and fortitude.
And then, after being supported by men for thousands of years, the women had the audacity to reject Anon when he asked them out to prom.
God, Anon hated women.
Wasn't a little gratitude in order?
Didn't men like Anon deserve a little respect from women, for everything men had done for them throughout history?
Anon realized that he had been lost in thought for 10 minutes. He was going to be late.
Oh God. Now he was going to seem like the guy who's always late. The guy who doesn't care. The guy who's a degenerate.
Was it even worth going at all?
Finally, he worked up the courage to do something.
"Sorry, going to be a few minutes late," he texted Aidan, and he stepped outside, locking the door behind him. Then he threw his keys down the storm drain outside of his apartment complex, to stop himself from retreating back inside. After another pause, he started walking towards Aidan's house.
It was warm outside, and as he walked the inside of his suit began to feel more and more sticky and itchy. He knew he shouldn't have worn it. He should have worn something more casual, something more modern. But instead he had decided to be the dork who shows up in a suit and tie. He contemplated going back home and changing, but he couldn't bear the thought of asking his landlord for new keys, and it was going to take too long anyways.
That was a challenge for later. For now, he had to stay focused.
Eventually, after waddling down the block for a few more minutes, taking every chance he possibly could to pause and do something, or to think of a reason not to go, or even to just stop and admire the daisies—something he hadn't done in years—he arrived at Aidan's house. He climbed the front steps slowly, trying not to get more sweaty.
After another gut wrenching pause, he said "fuck it" and knocked on the front door.
As soon as he did so, he felt icy adrenaline jet through his veins, and his eyes instantly started to open wider. He felt like he had to force them three-quarters closed just to look normal again. It felt like there was a huge ball of mucus in the pit of his stomach, and he felt starved for air, but he forced himself to breathe slowly and steadily, despite the black hole in his lungs sucking the air down out of his throat.
Hopefully he could come off somewhat normal.
The door opened. It was Aidan, not Evelynn. Thank God. Aidan looked calm and healthy, and a little concerned.
"Did you run here?" he asked.
"Umm, yeah. I sprinted, actually. I'm working on my cholesterol."
Aidan looked confused. "You're working on your cholesterol?"
"Yeah, or, you know, whatever," Anon muttered, looking away.
Aidan gave him a weird look, then lightened up a bit. "That's awesome, man. Come on in! We have a new player today."
Anon pretended he didn't know what Aidan was talking about, and tried to play it cool. "We have a new player? Ok. I guess that's kinda cool."
"Yeah! I texted you, remember? It's my friend Evelynn, from my undergrad biology class."
Aidan was in college. And Anon hated him for that. The whole point of the friend group was degenerates being allowed to be degenerates. But for some reason Aidan thought it was cool to actually try and do stuff, and it made the rest of the group feel terrible about themselves. Who did Aidan think he was to do stuff when the rest of them didn't? Did he think he was better than them or something? Above them? God, how disgusting.
"I texted you, remember?" Aidan said again.
Anon realized he had been spacing out. "Oh yeah, wait, I think I remember. You texted me or something, right? Whatever. I'm not too excited. I bet she sucks at D&D. Haha, women, am I right?"
Aidan didn't respond. Instead, he just walked inside, waiting for Anon to follow. Anon tried to take a deep breath, but it felt like his lungs were crumpling up. He was about to walk into the house when he froze at the sound of a voice behind him.
A female voice. Soft as a fresh croissant and warm like honey.
"Oh, hey! You must be Anon. Nice to meet you!"
To be continued...
