"Before the apocalypse" (Alicia Clark/You)

Chapter 20

Y/N's pov

Love.

What does that word even mean? Do I know? Does anybody? How to describe love? Easy...

It's shit.

Falling in love and being in love are either the best or the worst. 

And I'm going to go with the second option.

Who named it like that? Who invented such a feeling that can make you the happiest but can also make you the saddest? If anyone knows then please deliver my message to them: Fuck you!

Shouldn't it be nice? Experiencing love? Like why can't we choose who we fall for? 

I have so many questions, and nobody gives me an answer... So here I ask again, how do people expect me not to go crazy?!

Love... 

Love

Love

Love

Love 

Love... After saying it so many times it doesn't even feel like a real word.

As a kid, I was told many amazing things about it. 'You'll fall in love and be the happiest' they said. 'Oh love, that's the best feelingthe world' Is it? Really? 'I remember when I fell in love for the first time, it lasted forever. And the same will happen to you Y/N!' Well it didn't.

That's all my head can think about, that stupid word and what it causes.

This is exactly why I had a rule of being only a one night stand... for everyone.

I let one girl in, ONE. I allowed myself to change for one person, ONE. Everyone said she was worth it; I thought she was worht it. 

I should've known, it was too good to be true. And I hate myself, I trully do; because I know that if she told me she's sorry, regrets everything that happened and that she loves me more than anything I'd let her back in without a second thought.

In the end, what my mom tried to warn me about happened:

'The higher you build walls around your heart, the harder you will fall when someone tears them down, Y/N'

She was so right... Damn, I trully miss my parents. 

I need my mom to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I need my next to me singing songs to cheer me up, even when he sang really bad. But they're not here, they're gone and I'm alone at home, staring at my living room's ceiling while my thoughts take over all of me.

I was so busy crying over all the things I'm feeling right now that I didn't even realize when Madi knocked my door, much less did I realize when she walked inside my house. I just felt a familiar pair of arms around my body, pulling my close.

I cried, I was sobbing while she held me. She didn't say anything, just let me take everything out while she rubbed my back with her hand.

------

"Pepperoni, right?" She asked while she held the phone next to her ear. I just nodded giving her a light and forced smile.

I'm not the type to cry in front of people. In fact, I feel so embarrassed whenever a tear accidentally slips down my cheek. 

Today was different though, I didn't care.

I feel more horrible everyday that goes by. It's only been two weeks since she broke my heart like no one ever had, and I already feel like I'm drying.