𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐀 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐘
𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐒
𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒
"please, you wouldn't be able to handle me."
"wanna find out?"
"yeah? what are you gonna do?"
"bend you over the counter and show you how...
watching your bestfriend die i mean. it was one of the worst pains i've ever been through in my entire life, but i got through it. slowly but surely everyday it go a little easier.
i didn't eat the first week. i didn't even sleep either, just stared at my hospital wall blankly. at that point i was thinking what was point continuing to live? i was left wishing the bullet actually killed me instead.
the second week i didn't say anything. what could i say without bursting into hysterical sobs and screams because every time i closed my eyes i saw dayvon's dead body?
the third week i had court. they deemed it self defense and i beat the case with 50 hours of community service hours and 3 month strict probation. i knocked out the community service hours that same week.
the fourth week it got a little easier to live with myself. the guilt that weighed on my heart was a little easier after the doctors let me read the autopsy.
after weeks of thinking i could have actually saved him i got closure, just to hear that there was quite literally nothing i could do was both refreshing and heartbreaking. but that's just how it was, i couldn't do anything about it, so in the end it was bound to happen.
the bad part about it was that it had happened, that's what broke my heart into a billion pieces.
everyone told me it would get easier. it doesn't if you wanna know the truth- you just learn to live with it, and that's exactly what i am currently doing.
i learned to live with it, but it still hurts like hell. they even asked me to record some songs to finish him album that he was working on. i couldn't do that, i wouldn't be able to finish it even though i'm sure he would have wanted me to- i just couldn't.
i haven't even been on social media either which was very refreshing. after my court ordered community service hours, i bought another house and moved into that one. the last one held too many memories.
it was a nice break away from the world but that also meant i had to start making more money. i like to have more than enough money for everything i wanted and i do, i just want more.
