Sigh. Hi. My name is Malakaka VonKumquatiti, and this is my story.
I stare at my gorgeous ugly self in the mirror. My hair is very long and black and wavy and short and messy. Hideous, I know. I have thick blonde lashes sticking out of my eyeballs, with purple highlights. I'm so original uwu.
My 3ft tall body is super skinny with huge chunks of fat on it. I sob depressedly and roll off a piece of fat and throw it out the window.
"OW!" screamed someone outside. I fell to my knees, crying super sadly. How could I be so evil?!?!? I hurt someone!!! But I wiped my eyes with the sleeves of my oversized black hoodie and stood up bravely.
You see, I'm not like other girls. I'm brave and I wear black and I put my hair in messy buns. I also never wear any makeup. Only some concealer to cover up my insecurities like that one freckle on my earlobe.
I go downstairs and almost die bc I'm so clumsy! Silly me! I go down to the ginormous kitchen. We are super poor and my mom is a drunkie but we have a huge house with 25 storeys and a pool and the Himalayas in the back yard.
Then I hear my mother's putrid voice.
"YOU NASTY LITTLE SHIT YOU DISGUSTING RAT BITCH"
"Y-y-y-y-y-yessss?" I stutter squeakily, pulling up my cat ear hood. My mother saw me and ran at me. I screamed, but then shut h mouth because I'm not like other girls.
My mom grabbed me by my messy bun and swung me round and round. Why the fuck did my mom have to be a hammer throw champion in the 1700s?
She let go and I broke through the kitchen wall and over the hills and across the ocean until I crashed in the middle of a sleepover of hotties playing spin the bottle. Well, this should be interesting ........
THIS IS A JOKE AND MY INSPIRATION IS -sesquipedalian GO CHECK THEIRS OUT AHA
and go read Larry Snotter goes to McDonald's guys it's really educational uwu
