Shaken

Chapter 11- Everyone Has a Breaking Point

"Hey..." Will said, lightly knocking on the doorframe.

Jay and Erin looked up at him.

"Visiting hours are almost over, do you guys want me to drive you home? I'm on break right now." Will said.

"I thought family members were allowed to stay over," Jay said, a twinge of frustration in his voice.

Will shook his head, "Unfortunately because of Piper's condition and the lack of space in the PICU as it is, visiting hours have to be implemented."

"Are you serious?" Jay said, exasperation growing.

Erin was quick to stand up, "Jay it's fine."

"I'm really sorry," Will spoke apologetically.

"We understand," Erin responded, "what time do we need to leave?"

"Visiting hours end in about 10 minutes," Will responded, checking his watch. 

"Ok thank you, Will," Erin said, "And, I think we can get home on our own."

"How much longer are you going to be here?" Jay asked Will.

"I'll be on call all night." Will responded, " I'll come and check on Piper as much as I can, I promise she's in good hands."

"I know," Jay said in an uncharacteristically quiet voice.

"Well... I'll leave you guys alone, I'll just be down in the ED if you guys want to stop by before you leave," Will said before starting to walk away. He paused for a second to turn back around, "I love you guys."

~~~~~~~

After many painful quiet goodbyes to the girl who lay sedated in the hospital bed in front of them, visiting hours had come to an end.

Jay looked down at his daughter, tears welling in his eyes as he thought about leaving. He wanted to scream and yell and hang onto the bed for dear life so that no one could pull her away from him, but he couldn't do that. He had to be strong for Piper.

Gently he brushed the loose hairs off Piper's forehead, and planted a soft kiss, "I love you so much." He whispered, tears tugging at the corners of his eyes.

Erin rested a hand on Jay's shoulder.

"Ok, let's go." Jay sighed resignedly, his breath hitching in his throat.

Erin looked into his eyes, noticing the tears glistening in his eyes. She could see how hard he was trying not to fall apart.

She wrapped her arm around his, rubbing his arm with her free hand, as the two made the somber walk to the car.

Jay fumbled with the keys in his pocket, unlocking his truck.

"Do you want me to drive?" Erin asked.

Jay shook his head, "I'll be ok." he murmured, opening the driver's side door.

His throat ached holding back the tidal wave of emotions he felt as they got further and further away from the hospital. He watched the building fade into the skyline in the rearview mirror as they drove away.

Erin stared out the window, trying to distract herself from the heaviness in her chest and the painful silence that sat between her and Jay in the car.

Jay parked along the curb of the house and switched the truck off.

Erin opened the door, she could still make out Piper's small footprints littering the front walk. The first in a long string of residual reminders of how normal life was only hours before.

Jay followed behind her, sorting through the keys on his key ring to find his house key. Pausing for a moment to breathe. He delicately rubbed his thumb over the lone keychain that hung on his key ring.

It was a small nameplate covered in glitter modge-podge and a variety of bright colors reading "#1 Dad". Jay could feel the lump in his throat growing as he stared down at the handmade gift.

"Jay, are you going to come inside?" Erin asked.

Jay looked up not realizing Erin had already unlocked the door.

"Yeah, sorry my mind's in a different place right now." He said walking into the house.

"It's ok I get it." Erin spoke as she slipped off her coat and boots, "should I order us something for dinner?" She offered

Jay shook his head, "I can cook it's fine."

"Are you sure?" Erin asked. It was very like her husband to push himself to his emotional limits.

Jay nodded, "I told you, it's fine." he responded, grabbing his apron from the drawer.

Erin sat on the couch and scrolled through Hulu, deciding on what show to watch, periodically glancing over at Jay. Ultimately she settled on a random episode of Parks and Recreation, a show that never failed to make her laugh, something she and Jay desperately needed.

Jay glanced up at the TV, which he had a decent view of from the kitchen, and began rooting around in the cabinets and drawers for cooking utensils. He opened the cabinet, feeling the air leave his lungs momentarily as he forced his eyes to move beyond the stack of Piper's favorite cups.

No, this couldn't be the thing that broke him. 

He swallowed hard, moving on to the fridge, pulling out the leftover container of tomato soup. A small slip of paper with a small messy, child-like heart drawn on it revealed itself from beneath the container. Jay knew exactly what that was.

"Nope, nope, nope" His thoughts screamed. Quickly he shut the fridge, trying to forget the never-ending reminders all around him.

The aching in his throat returned, with a vengeance this time, as his vision blurred with his tears. He couldn't make out the items he had placed on the counter beyond a collection of colors, muddled in his eyes.

"Shit." He whispered in exasperation leaning on the counter as a choked sob escaped his throat. His tears spilled over in his eyes and ran down his cheeks dripping onto the cool tile floor.

Erin, being alerted to the noise, turned around. "Oh Jay," she said rushing to comfort him. She wrapped Jay in her arms as he slid down to the kitchen floor, overcome with emotion.

Jay buried his face in Erin's chest as sobs wracked his body. His emotions came pouring out like a rushing river breaking through a dam, the culmination of every feeling he'd had since this nightmare began pouring out all at once.

Erin combed her fingers through Jay's hair, holding him firmly in her arms.

"it's ok." she murmured softly, tears beginning to tug at her eyes, "it's all going to be ok."

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(A/N) 

Hi everyone!! I am happy to say that I think my writing bug is back and I've finally gotten rid of that pesky writer's block! Anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I know this story is moving a bit slow but I just really wanted to give Jay an emotional chapter of his own, especially since in canon he is known to sort of have a bit of an emotional breakdown at the end of an episode after he goes through something. So in that way at least, I hope I did his character justice with this chapter. 

Oh also, side note on the image I used for this chapter, this is what I imagine the base of the keychain Jay had on his keys looked like before Piper decorated it. 

Also, you'll notice this chapter is much longer than my past two chapters have been so I hope that's a treat for some of you, I know it is for me. It's been a goal of mine to try to keep these chapters a little bit longer so I'm working towards that little by little. 

Thank you all so much for the outpouring of love for this story, especially the wonderful comments, you guys really are the best and you inspire me to keep writing every day  ❤. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read my work! 

I love you all 🥰! Stay safe out there 😷! 

P.S. if you have any suggestions or feedback I'd love to hear it! I can't promise I'll use every suggestion but I will try my absolute best! 💕