Jester (Man x Man) ✔

15) m e m o r i e s

"Now, hand me the flour." Diane ordered, and soon enough Eli's hands were full with passing the ingredients and after the dough was ready scooping it on a baking tray. It helped him to relax when he had something to do with his hands, but Diane's welcoming approach was what truly did wonders.

At some point Benjamin and Greg joined them as well, taking their seats at the other side of the kitchen counter. Benjamin gave Eli warm smiles whenever their gazes met while talking to his grandad.

"Does your mom ever make you bake?" Diane asked while putting the batch in the oven. Benjamin halted in the middle of a sentence, glancing at Eli.

"No, she didn't." Eli mumbled avoidantly, scooping more dough on the baking tray. 

"What was she like?" Diane continued, her voice soft. Eli didn't lift his gaze to look at her, but he noticed how the room had grown quiet and how everyone seemed to be waiting for his answer. 

"She was kind. Always taking care of us." Eli felt a small smile spreading on his lips. Then he added, chuckling briefly: "And believe me, I was a lot of work. We weren't allowed to do much and I got bored easily."

"Our Benjamin was a lot to take too." Diane pointed out, earning a scolding gaze from Benjamin. "So much energy in such a small package.."

"My siblings were older than me, so I was usually their responsibility." Eli added then, giving Diane a brief smile. 

"Do they still take good care of you?" She chattered, placing her hand on Eli's shoulder. He could easily understand why Benjamin considered them as the best people he had ever met in his life. Eli had known them for less than an hour and already he could see how good and affectionate they were.

"No, they're gone. It's just me now." Eli lowered his gaze again.

"Oh dear. Come here." Diane exclaimed and waited until Eli put down the spoon. Then she hugged him again, just like any good grandmother would. 

"I still miss them every day." Eli whispered before he even noticed the words leaving his lips.

"I know. Sometimes we have to say our goodbyes too early and learn to live in their absence. But do you know where the real magic lies?" Diane whispered back. When Eli shook his head lightly, she continued with a smile in her voice: "It's in the ones who stay. Hold them dear, because they are everything."

Eli swallowed hard, drying to get rid of the lump in his throat. He wasn't sure why he had agreed to come with Benjamin and what he had thought he would find there, but he certainly didn't expect it to be such an emotional rollercoaster. In the best possible way. 

"Dear me, there's flour all over your shirt now." Diane cackled then and tried to whisk it off only causing more mess, which made all of them laugh.

••••

When they left, it was dark outside. Greg had gotten all into teaching Eli how to take pictures with film cameras and promised to show him how his dark room worked when he stopped by the next time.

"Did you like them?" Benjamin asked cautiously when they were walking under the yellow light of the streetlights.

"Are you kidding me? I loved them." Eli marveled. He halted, wrapping his arm around Benjamin's waist and pulling him closer. Eli was smiling when he captured Benjamin's lips with his and a delighted chuckle escaped Benjamin's mouth when he answered the kiss.

At that moment in the emptied streets, under the streetlights, holding Benjamin so tightly it took away the coldness of the chilly December night and tasting the mint on his lips, Eli realized a part of him had started to build hope. For the first time in so many years he actually felt like everything was going to be alright.

Benjamin didn't let go of Eli, when he talked. Instead he held him tighter. The words came out of his mouth vacillating and so quiet it was more like a whisper: "You're the first person I've brought there after Oliver. Gran loved him instantaneously, but it took a little longer for Greg to warm up to him."

Benjamin halted, closing his eyes. Eli didn't rush him, he simply tilted his head, pressing their foreheads together.

"When we got engaged, we had been together less than a year, but we were happy and madly in love. I knew — thought — he was the one and I naively believed we would be together the rest of our lives. I was so young back then.. And it was great, like a goddamn fairytale, for a year and a half." Benjamin knitted his eyebrows and bit his lower lip, his eyes still pressed shut.

"It's just the typical story, really. He started trying new recipes and got all excited about writers and movies he had never mentioned before. He was glowing when he came back from work — late and an unfamiliar perfume absorbed in his clothes, even to his skin. There were all these signs, clear as day, but none of it truly prepared me to that day I saw them.. I saw them in.." Benjamin started stammering. It was like he had to force the words out of his mouth and every time he did it ripped open something inside him.

"Benjamin, you don't have to do this. I get it, I do." Eli whispered, knitting his eyebrows and holding his breath. When he saw Benjamin hurt like that, it felt like someone was clenching his heart tighter and tighter, until it would give in and crumble in pieces.

"No, please, I want to." Benjamin sighed. "I was supposed to work late that day, but I had one of these really bad stomach aches and I had to leave early. When I opened the door, my first thought was that I had forgotten to switch off the lights, but then I heard laughter. I followed the sound and I swear I'll never forget the sight of them. They had most of their clothes on and they weren't fucking, which somehow made it even worse." 

"Oliver's lips were on her neck and his hands touched her bare back underneath the opened zipper of her blue dress. Her hands groped his shoulders. I still remember every detail of it, even the lilac color of her nail polish. And the way she tilted her head towards the doorway when she offered more skin to Oliver. I remember how her eyes widened and how long it took before he noticed she had gone all rigid and that I was standing there staring at them." Benjamin opened his eyes, his gaze locking with Eli's. 

"Oliver all but begged me to forgive him. He promised me he would never see the woman again. But they were in love. They had been seeing each other almost five months behind my back." Benjamin huffed, letting out a low chuckle. "I told him to rot in hell and I kicked him out of our home. I haven't seen him ever since."

"I'm so sorry." Eli let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "If I could give that arsehole a kick in the face, I would. In fact, I'd do that right now."

"Please don't." Benjamin laughed briefly and buried his face on Eli's shoulder. He didn't say anything for a long while, but when he did, the words came out so quietly it was barely even a whisper: "Just don't ever cheat on me. That's all I'm asking. I don't care if you have no money, I don't care if I have to take the garbage out and cook your every meal. Just don't ever cheat on me, okay?"

"Okay." Eli promised, tilting his head and leaning his cheek against the side of Benjamin's head. He could smell the fragrance of his shampoo, and somehow that made everything feel so real, tangible. Benjamin snuggled closer and let out a quiet sound that could have been translated as: thank you.

"How long ago was that?" Eli asked then.

"The day I met you was the anniversary, actually. That's why I didn't want to spend the night alone. I just wanted to find someone, fuck, go home and never think about that someone again. You just kind of.." Benjamin explained, letting the last sentence hang in the air.

"Ruined your plans? Fucked it all up?" Eli joked. Then he added: "Sorry about that."

"Yup, you totally fucked up my plan, but I like this one so much more." Benjamin lifted his head from Eli's shoulder to kiss him yet again.