Jester (MxM) ✔

39) p r o m i s e s

When Eli fell asleep, Benjamin lowered his head on his lap tardily. Even if 'I'm tired' could mean about a million things when it came out of Eli's mouth, sometimes it also meant just that. Depression wore him down, and so did the nights consumed by nightmares. Sometimes it was better to let him sleep, even in the middle of the day.

"How did you know I and Eli are together?" Benjamin asked, recalling the moment Prisca saw him and became excited that Eli had found someone.

"That's mom's cross, isn't it?" Prisca smiled gently, her eyes moving down on the golden necklace Benjamin had been wearing ever since Eli gave it to him. 

"Yeah." Benjamin nodded and lifted his free hand, the one that wasn't brushing Eli's hair, to feel the necklace.

"It isn't something you give to just anyone." The smile on Prisca's lips turned even warmer when she glanced at Eli.

"I guess so." Benjamin admitted, tilting his head to look at Eli as well. He had tried to give the cross back to him, but every time he refused and shook his head, saying: "Keep it safe for me." And that's exactly what Benjamin did. He was even secretly happy to keep the necklace, because it made him feel like Eli was with him wherever he went.

"I know so." Prisca told him without hesitation. "Elijah — sorry, Eli — was always with me when we were kids. He had friends, but he always followed me around like a shadow. He wasn't big on talking about his feelings, but I swear that kid is like an open book. You just have to know how to read his eyes."

"His eyes are so sad." Benjamin pointed out, still looking down at Eli. Prisca was right: it was easy to let the smiles and the laughter fool you, but only if you knew to look at his eyes, you could see how Eli was really feeling. And he had the saddest eyes Benjamin had ever seen.

"He's been through so much." Prisca's eyes swam with tears and she blinked to keep them at bay. "But it's going to get better from now on. We're coming with you and we'll figure it out, I'm sure."

••••

"She left already?" Eli mumbled drowsily and rubbed his eyes. He sat up, taking another look around. 

"She did, but she's coming back tomorrow with Felix and Myra." Benjamin promised and sat on the bed next to Eli. Then another thought came to his mind: "Are you hungry?"

It was already late in the evening when they uncorked a bottle of champagne. Low alcohol, since Eli was supposed to watch his drinking habits. They ate chips, because all their plans to buy dinner were forgotten the second Prisca showed up. Not the most romantic or nutritious meal, but the champagne was sweet and bubbly and they didn't really fancy anything more. 

They didn't talk about Eli's family or anything else for that matter. They just drank and ate, occasionally looking at each other and smiling. Eli looked happier than he had looked for a long time. There was even a new hint of hope in his eyes. That made Benjamin's heart burst with joy and love, and he pulled Eli in his arms. He planted kisses on Eli's forehead, cheeks, the tip of his nose, lips, jaw and the crook of his neck. 

"What's this for?" Eli chuckled. 

"I'm just so happy to be here with you." Benjamin grinned gleefully and kissed Eli's neck again. Then he nibbled Eli's earlobe gently, earning a mixture of laughter and gasp from Eli. 

"I can see that." Eli pulled away from him, but there was a smile on his face. "And I need to take a shower, I stink." 

"No, you don't." Benjamin pouted, refusing to let go of Eli. Then he suggested: "Can I come with you?" 

"Are you sure you can keep your hands off me?" Eli smirked, pulling Benjamin on his feet and towards the bathroom. 

"I can't promise you that." Benjamin admitted, making Eli laugh again. 

In the end they only took a shower. Benjamin was cold when he waited for Eli to rinse the shampoo off his hair, but he didn't complain and he forgot all about the coldness when Eli offered to help him wash up.

It was mostly hilarity and very little heat, but Benjamin's body was craving for Eli's touches. The feeling of his hands sliding on his bare skin left Benjamin extremely turned on, and for his relief he soon found out he wasn't the only one. 

Benjamin was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, drying his hair with one towel while another hung low around his hips. He could see from the mirror how Eli approached him, his skin still glistening after being hastily dried up. Eli wrapped his arms around Benjamin's waist from behind and his breath felt hot against Benjamin's neck when his lips mapped the skin. Benjamin couldn't help but sigh in delightment, tilting his head to the side to offer more skin for Eli. 

"I never made any promises either." Eli breathed, his lips still on his neck. Benjamin turned around to face him and brought their lips together in a passionate kiss while he pressed their bodies together to feel every inch of Eli. 

They were chuckling and grinning when they stumbled towards the bed, refusing to let go of each other even for a second. Benjamin's towel fell on the floor when Eli tipped them to lie on the bed. They kissed until they were out of breath and touched each other like they had been starved from it for an eternity and finally allowed to do so. 

All the while they were laughing, feeling drunk from life and tipsy from the champagne. Only when Benjamin flipped them around and halted to look at Eli, who was now laying on the bed underneath him, they stopped laughing and became more serious. 

Benjamin let his eyes take in every detail, to revere the person who meant more to him than ever before. Benjamin trailed his hand down Eli's arm, halting to hold his hand — "I'm here with you." — and then back up. He let his touches travel from Eli's chest to his stomach and hips. 

"You can, if you want to." The corners of Eli's lips curved up, when his words made Benjamin's cheeks heat up. 

"Can I? Are you sure?" Benjamin couldn't help but feel concerned. 

"Benjamin, nothing happened." Eli remarked, earning a pointed look from Benjamin. "I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me." 

"I always worry about you." Benjamin leaned in, kissing Eli tenderly, more tenderly than ever before. Eli sighed at his words and pulled him closer for another much deeper kiss. 

"I'm sure." Eli whispered then, and there was no hesitation in his eyes. It was the answer Benjamin had been dying to hear, because he could hardly keep his hands off Eli, so he kissed him again with a smile on his lips. 

He did the preparations carefully, like it was their first time, and through each step waited until Eli nodded him to continue. He kept a close eye on Eli's expressions, to be ready if something triggered the bad memories, but nothing about him gave away discomfort. His eyes were closed, his lips parted and he was arching his neck. 

Then Benjamin got up from the bed to pick up the pack of condoms from his bag and put one on, while Eli looked at him. He had tilted his chin on the side slightly and the smile on his lips made his dimples pop out. He had lifted his arms over his head and he just laid there, in complete ease, staring at Benjamin's every move. 

"You're so beautiful." Benjamin leaned down, kissing Eli again before lifting his legs to his sides. Then he halted, waiting for Eli to nod and making him roll his eyes and grin as if to say: just get on with it. Benjamin started smiling too as he slowly pushed in. 

"Wait.." Eli gasped, pressing his eyes shut tightly.

"Want me to stop?" Benjamin asked apprehensively, and didn't dare to move an inch while waiting for Eli's answer. 

"No. But.. I want you to look at me. Just keep looking at me." Eli opened his eyes and locked his gaze with Benjamin's. It took another nod until Benjamin started moving again, at first cautiously and ready to stop if needed. 

They didn't break eye contact and Benjamin felt captivated by Eli's eyes. They overflowed with emotions, all so similar to what Benjamin was feeling: love, passion, sincerity. Eli didn't have to say it out loud, because it was all written in his eyes: I'm yours, all the way. 

"Now you can kiss me." And Benjamin gladly did what he was told.