Jester (MxM) ✔

2) i n p a t i e n t s

"I've heard I'm good in bed, but even if you disagree, I think killing yourself for a bad lay is a bit extreme." Eli knew that voice, he could have sworn he did. He opened his eyes tardily, blinking to get them adjusted to the brightly lit room. His throat hurt, feeling dry like sandpaper.

"W.. what.." Eli could only croak and even the little he got out of his mouth was enough to make him cough. His throat hurt almost like.. He had tried to hang himself and somehow failed miserably. Benjamin got up from his seat and rushed to get him a glass of water, which he made Eli sip with a straw.

"You shouldn't try to talk just yet." Benjamin bid and handed Eli a small white board and a black dry-erase marker.

Eli frowned and sat up arduously to write the question on the board: "What are you doing here?" He turned the board around so that Benjamin could read it.

"What am I doing here?" Benjamin shook his head, running his hand through his raven hair. "I had to give you CPR. You were dead when I found you."

Eli swallowed hard, which didn't exactly do his sore throat any good. He started scribbling again: "Why did you come back?"

"I forgot my phone. You know there's this big window with a view straight to the main street?" Benjamin's tone was casual, if not even jocular, but he was rubbing the back of his neck and his gaze kept wandering around the room uneasily. Eli just nodded slightly, not bothering to write anything down.

"Well, let's just say that if you didn't want anyone to see you hanging there, you should have shut the curtains." Benjamin explained. "So, I kind of smashed your window and safed your life. Although I'm not sure if you're going to be very grateful for that."

Benjamin leaned in, taking Eli's hand in his. Something about the gesture made Eli's breath hitch, even though they had basically done everything there was to be done with each other the night before. His lips had trailed every inch of Benjamin's body, he had given himself fully to the pleasure Benjamin had brought to him, he had even moaned his name when Benjamin had taken him. Yet, this was something different. It was a gesture that suggested genuine care and affection.

"Why did you do it, Eli?" Benjamin asked, his black eyes studying Eli intensively.

"I wasn't being serious. I don't want to die." Eli scribbled on the board.

"No one downs a bottle of sleeping pills with half a bottle of whiskey and hangs himself if he doesn't want to die." Benjamin sighed, his tone grave.

Eli tapped the board with his fingertips, as if to emphasize his previous words. Of course it was just an impulse, nothing he would have done in his right mind, and surely there was no way he actually wanted to die.

"I'll ask you again tomorrow." Was all Benjamin said, before getting up from his seat and walking away. Eli stared at the door after he was gone, trying to wrap his head around his new reality.

He was in a hospital, in some ward, his throat hurt and he was still alive. He had been dead, but now he was back in the world of the living thanks to a guy he barely knew. Benjamin had saved Eli's life and he was right to question if that was something Eli would be grateful for. He wasn't. Maybe he would learn to be some day, but right then he was only appalled by the fact he was still alive. And to know he had come so close..

••••

Before Benjamin's second visit Eli learned a couple of things, and he was pleased with neither of them. First of all, apparently one doesn't look great after a failed attempt to hang oneself. His neck was badly bruised and the skin around his eyes was spotted with tiny red haematomas. Secondly, he was in a heavily secured ward and there was no way of getting out until he was properly discharged.